{motherhood} through the darkness, there is light...

Today, DD1 and I said farewell to an amazing lady - someone who has helped us out immensely over the past 3 months. Someone who has been more of a friend to me than some of the friends I have had for years. She will be greatly missed, on a 'work relationship' level...but I also know i have gained a friend for life in her.

Before DD1 came into our lives, people were asking me if I was prepared to be a mother. Of course I was. I was married to the love of my life and in love, we were blessed to be able to create a life together, one that we would bring up in the best way possible, to the best of our knowledge. We would figure it out along the way! A few people towards the end of my pregnancy asked if I was aware of Post Natal Depression (PND) and what that entailed.  I was aware of it, i had heard of it, but I was adamant it wasn't going to be an 'issue' for me. I was a positive person with a positive outlook on life. I looked at motherhood as an exciting adventure - I was gaining a new little best friend who would keep me company through the day and love me unconditionally.  PND was for those that were already struggling in life, weren't happy or had struggled with depression in the past. No way...not me.

I was so wrong.

I have since learnt that depression, in any form, isn't something you can choose to have or not have. It.........................................just.........................................happens. And it happened to me.

When DD1 was born, I thought i had it all under control. Motherhood seemed to come easy to me. I waltzed out of the hospital, babe in arm, and I was happy and complete. We went out for dinner that night to my mother-in-laws house and people were amazed at how quickly I was up and at it! 

It didn't take long for everything to come crashing down.

About 5 days in, things became real. The bucket loads of advice and information I had taken in about how to raise DD1 - how to feed her, hold her, how long she should be sleeping, how often she should be feeding, whether she should be using a dummy (etc, etc) - caught up with me and I started doubting my ability as a mother. I had some extremely dark moments, and at times, I was wishing I had never chosen to be a mother.  I couldn't do it, I was a failure and was not cut out for this job! It was (and is) a tough job and I really struggled. I tried to hold it together in public, but when I was alone at home with DD1, I broke down. I was curled up in a ball, sobbing....heartbroken and struggling. 

It was my mother who prompted me to go and seek some help from a Dr and have a chat to her about PND. Even at that point, I was denying it. I just thought i must have been exhausted and tired, but there was more to it than that. On a chemical and hormonal level, I was depressed. The Dr diagnosed me with mild PND and sent me on my way with advice to get out more and have a break from DD1 whenever possible.

I managed to go and see my Child Health Nurse seeking some help with getting DD1 to sleep - as I believed that I was only feeling this way because she wouldn't sleep (well, not for as long as everyone was saying she should be!) She decided to come out to my house to help me out (for free) as we couldn't afford to trudge off to a sleep school! Upon coming to our house and spending an hour with me to see what it took for me to get DD1 to sleep, and how exhausted, stressed and upset I was, she offered me a golden ticket---there was a service that was available to women struggling with PND, a service that entailed an "in-home carer" to come out to your house, for up to 13 weeks, to help you out, and it was Government funded! She said that I should think about it and if I wanted to go ahead with it, to call her back the next day and she will set it up for me.  You don't think i was up early, calling that Child Health Nurse at the crack of dawn that following day!

And that's where Tracey comes in.  

Tracey was the lady assigned to help me out with DD1. I was asked what days and hours I wanted her to come, and because of the state I was in, I asked for as much time with her as possible!!! She has been with me 3 days a week for 6.5 hours each day for the past 13 weeks. I refer to her as my angel as I honestly believe she was sent to me for a reason...to get me through a really rough and dark time.

She has been an amazing source of encouragement in her time with me. She helped me realise that I am an amazing mother to DD1, that I am doing a fantastic job and that I am doing everything right. She offered her advice where necessary and gave me some really helpful hints along the way. She came with me to appointments and helped me build up the courage to do things that I was too scared to try on my own with DD1 - eg: using my shopping trolley cover for the first time! Its a tricky thing to put on you know! ;)  There are years between Tracey and I, but you would never have known that.  For the most part, she was simply a friend. She would come and share a cuppa with me, and just hang out. She was someone I could rely on, and for that, I am eternally grateful as PND really shows you who your friends are!

I'm really going to miss having her around, but I am also really looking forward to starting a new chapter and continuing on with our relationship - which will evolve into more of a friendship now.  I am not ashamed of my depression. I am speaking out about it in the hope that it may encourage others that are struggling to know that they are not alone, and that they don't have to struggle on their own. There is help out there. Some people didn't know how to handle me, or how to act around me, especially when I had Tracey around - and that is ok, it can be hard to know what to do or say - but the best advice I have is to not shy away from anyone struggling! Make a point to be present - make an effort, really 'ASK' if they are ok. Rock up their place with coffee and cake, even if they 'arent up for it'...they will appreciate it!.
Through it all I believe I have always continued to be the same person, I just needed a friend to hold me up as I stumbled through the beginnings of motherhood.

I hope that one day I can help someone else in the same way Tracey has helped me.

If you know someone that is struggling with PND, or if you are yourself and you would like some more information on help that is available, please feel free to contact me, or your local Child Health Nurse for some more information.  

Psalm 56:12-13

I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you.  For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Much love

Daughter of the King

x

{faith} Down by the seaside

Today I took my little girl down to the seaside, for the very first time.

It had been a long day at home and we were both getting a bit bored, so I packed up the car with a blanket and hat and off we drove.  I am so glad we live close to the sea!

Miss Placid was just awestruck by the ocean. As we were walking down the sand dune to the beach, she could hear the waves and she was intrigued. Her little eyes were darting around madly, trying to figure out what it was that was making such a noise!

After I set up our blanket I sat her up, facing the ocean. She sat so still, for what seemed an eternity - taking it all in. I popped her little hat on, took of her socks and walked her over to the shoreline. As I bent down to stand her up in the sand, she was a little unsure, uneasy. She wanted to know what this new sensation and feeling was - what was this rough stuff under her feet, and why did her toes suddenly feel so cold! She would be looking out to the sea and the waves, then would quickly glance back at me and lean into me for reassurance. When she realised I was by her side and that she was safe, she eased up a little more and began to enjoy it.

After we got home, and i reflected on our little adventure, it made me realise just how much Miss Placid's first experience with the ocean was what it is like when we are uncertain of things in life. We are uneasy, we approach them sometimes with eagerness and sometimes with fear. But one thing i know for sure is that I have my God and saviour there by my side - just as i was beside Miss Placid - to hold my hand, to comfort me and to reassure me that every little thing will be ok.  If I fall down, he will help get me back up again. If it gets to much, he will carry me when it seems I can no longer go on.

God, you're my refuge. I trust in you and I'm safe! That's right - he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you - under them you're perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm.  Fear nothing - not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day. Not disease that prowls through the darkness, not disaster that erupts at high noon.  Even though others succumb all around, drop like flies right and left; no harm will even graze you. You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance...Yes, because God's your refuge, the High God your very own home, Evil cant get close to you, harm cant get through the door. He ordered his angels to guard wherever you go. If you stumble, they'll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling. You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

Psalm 91:1-13 (Message)

Much love

Daughter of the King
x

{motherhood} Mum knows best

One of the hardest lessons I have learnt since becoming a mother is to relax. Babies are all different. They shouldn't be compared. They shouldn't be moulded into categories. They are individuals. What works for one, wont necessarily work for the other.

Seems pretty common sense right? Yes. But...something happens when you become a parent. You second guess your heart and your common sense. People come at you from every which angle saying "Oh, your baby should be sleeping this much", "shame, she isn't sleeping through yet, by 4 months they should be", "they really should be awake for 2 hours at a time", "oh is she not rolling yet?", "she should be drinking this much at each feed", "she shouldn't still be feeding 3 hourly at this age". There are a billion and one books out there with baby routines in them that depict what your child should be doing at each monthly milestone.

I am a huge believer in routines. I like them for me. I like to know whats happening when and what my week is going to consist of, but my baby does not fit a mould. She likes to feed 3 hourly. She will still wake at 3am in the morning for a feed. She likes to start her day at 6, not 7am. She still happily sleeps for 40 minutes at a time through the day and she will stay awake for as long as she likes, sometimes 2 hours, sometimes 1 and a half hours, sometimes more. She isn't rolling yet, but she is happy and content. She rarely finishes a bottle and doesn't have the recommended amount the tins suggest for her age.

This....is....OK!

Parenting is a tough gig. You want what is best for your child and you want to be the best parent you can be. If routines work for your baby - that is fantastic! But if they don't, don't stress about it! Our babies are only little for a short amount of time and instead of worrying about how long they are sleeping and staying awake, we should simply be enjoying them!

For months I stressed...The world was telling me my baby should be sleeping for 2 hours in the morning and at lunch, so i would sit in her room beside her cot, for 2 hours, constantly trying to keep her asleep for that 2 hours. I would keep putting the dummy back in and try to "ssh" her back to sleep. She would resist but I kept persisting, thinking that she should be sleeping when she wanted to play.  

 As parents I think there needs to be more encouragement than criticism. We need to support each other and respect each others decisions and we need to understand that no two babies are the same. 

I found motherhood so stressful, and nothing like what I imagined it would be. Because of stressing so much about what Miss Placid should be doing, I missed out on simply just enjoying her through the earlier months and instead developed mild depression. I swore black and blue I didn't want any more children as it was just too stressful.  

It may have taken me 5 months to figure this out, but I am glad i did. I now look forward to continuing to expand our family when the time is right. As a mother, you know what is best for your child. Listen to your heart and do what works for you and your children - it may be what everyone else says to, but if it is not, that is OK! You know your baby best!

Much love

Daughter of the King
x

{Things I'm loving}

 Im linking up with Paisley Jade with her "Things im Loving"

Here are thing Things Im Loving for this week....

Pinterest: Enough said really....If you dont know what this amazing site is....GO CHECK IT OUT NOW! But be warned, you wont be able to tear yourself away from the computer for hours! Dont tell your husbands I told you about it!

Coffee: Addicted at the moment. Found a yummy instant coffee that we enjoy here in our household. Its no Nespresso coffee, but it does the trick after a restless sleep! Mmm...Nespresso...one day!

My new iPhone and its pretty cover: Its about time i got one...im a bit behind with the times but better late than never! And my pretty little cover matches my pretty little wallet and my pretty new jeans from Asos! :)

Totally loving the colour turquoise: as stated above!

 

Asos deliveries: Yahoo! Im so freakin excited our Asos delivery came!! I got my pretty turquoise jeans, white jeans, grey top and orange shoes! Im sending the shoes back as they are the wrong size but everything else is DELISH! The jeans are the COMFIEST i have ever had!

Miss Placid's new happy attitude and squeals: she is rockin some serious coos, raspberries, giggles and mega cute smiles! She is like a different child this last week...it blows my mind how quickly they change! Loving her!

Hand-me-downs from the little sister: scored this cute little skirt and little shawl/jacket which i think will go quite nicely with my new white jeans!!

And lastly....

Cookies and cream chocolate: this stuff is seriously evil (for my waistline) but it is so very, very addictive! So addictive to the point that for our next Monthly give up, we are considering giving up sugar for the month of April! Oh dear.....
{its so good, i didnt even get a chance to take a photo of it....it was gone just like that!!}

Much love

Daughter of the King
x

Autumn is here {we think}

So it finally seems as though Autumn has arrived here in Perth, Western Australia! We have had a long, hot summer, with some crazy storms and wet days in there too - but so far, Autumn for us has consisted of a rather long heat wave with temperatures getting up to 41 degrees!

This is no fun when you dont have air-con in your home! **Cue spending time at the folks house and hanging out at shopping centres to escape the heat!**

The heat has also meant i havent been brave enough to venture out for walks with Miss Placid in the pram. Also, partly due to the fact I have this fear that she will start a tanty when im a good 20 mins or so from getting back home!

Mr O finished his shifts yesterday so we decided we would take an evening stroll down to the park and see if we could get Miss Placid used to her pram again!

It was about a quarter to five. The sun was still up but a cool breeze was blowing. The leaves from all the gorgeous trees in our estate had started to turn brown and were lining the footpaths where we walked!

The colours that were out were amazing! I couldnt believe the bright green grass and the clear blue sky! Just amazing - God is amazing....

Simple pleasures like this seem to slow the pace of life down...just a little. Enough for us to pause and enjoy our little bundle of joy as she explored new scenery and views!

Miss Placid has been such a happy little bunny since we started her on formula. I didnt want to have to do it, but my milk supply had dropped so much I couldnt sustain her anymore. Im thankful I can still give her at least 1 feed in the morning from me....I cherish that time while it lasts!

 

Society for some reason seems to put breastfeeding on such a pedalstool..it almost seems frowned upon when people find out your baby is on formula.  I dont know why that is. I think, as long as your baby is healthy, thriving and happy - and you are as well, then it cant be such a bad thing!

She has certainly captured our hearts...

As Mr O and I spoke, we were even toyed with the idea of expanding our family of 3 to a family of 4....my oh my - we are obviously sleep deprived and delirious!

The cheeky monkey seemed to enjoy the pram ride, for the most part. She was throwing these cheeky smiles at me and giggling as we walked. She even fell asleep on the way back (dummyless!!).

 

Anyhow, I hope you are all having a wonderful week!! I am having a lazy day at home with Miss Placid today in preparation for our usual crazy, busy weekends!

Much love

Daughter of the King
x

Weekend in review!

Sooo far behind on my blogging - where are the days going! My oh my.....

I have got to get better at whipping out my camera to take shots of things! I think getting a nice new camera will do the trick there ;) Hoping to get a Canon this year! Cant wait! Anyhow...back on track - here was our weekend in pics!

Saturday saw Miss Placid and I just chilling out at home. We managed to get out to do some groceries (and escape our hot house!) for a few hours then we waited for Daddy to come home so we could walk 2 doors up to have dinner with some good friends!

I wish i had taken photos of all the delicious food we had! There was marinated lamb ribs, marinated chicken, steak, lamb on skewers, potato bake and salads! Yum! And for dessert there was mini raspberry pavlovas, coconut cake, macadamia and caramel tart and banana cake! DELISH!

Miss Placid and Ryder were very well behaved and slept in the theatre room - Ryder had his portacot, and we just wheeled Miss Placid's bassinet across the road! Would have been funny watching us carry her...asleep...in her bassinet back home across the road!

Matt had to work again on Sunday, and it was going to be a scorcher here in Perth - 41 degrees! So, we packed up the car and Miss Placid and I set off to spend the day (and night) at mum and dads house. Dad was in Rottnest for the day so it was just mum, my sisters, Miss Placid and I. We chilled out (literally in their Devine Aircon!) and went for a swim in the pool in the afternoon! The water was FREEZING - so i wasnt sure if Miss Placid would like it. She had been in a pool once before, but it was a heated pool. She actually seemed quite content in there with me (even after i dunked her face...accidentally...in the water!)

We had a mega pooplosion (wish i had caught it on camera) - which Miss Placid thought was hilarious! 

It....went....everywhere!! 

Had to bath her in the laundry sink just to clean her up! Crazy child... The rest of the evening consisted of us all enjoying dinner (yummy butter chicken mum whipped up in her thermomix....fancy!) and watching a movie together (just married - LOVE it!!) :)

Monday morning Miss Placid and I set off further North to catch up with a good friend, Leah, and her girls Coco and Savannah before heading back on the hour and a half trip home!

The weeks are just zooming past - this weekends 'weekend in review' will be here before i know it!

Hope you all had lovely weekends too and stayed cool! :)

Much love

Daughter of the King
x

What a week it has been! Through the craziness and drama of it all, i have been reminded that God is good, He loves us, cares for us and knows what is best for us.

My little sister has had a tough week. She was involved in a car crash and also had a relationship that came to a close. She is ok, physically - apart from a couple of burns and bruises. But emotionally, she is drained. I received the call from her just as it had happened - she was hysterical and unsure what to do. I felt so helpless, living so far away! I wished I could just jump in my car and go and rescue her, but i couldnt. So i called our parents and luckily our dad was only a minute away and he found her quickly to help. 

It was a 3 car pile-up...airbags were all deployed and the car is likely a write-off.  But thankfully, her life isnt and she is ok.

Sometimes i wish i could wrap up my loved ones in cotton wool..to protect them from lifes dangers, hurts and pains. I wish i could prevent problems and heartaches before they arose and I wish i could make everything better again. I wish i could show them into the future to see that everything will work out just fine in the end.

 

I have the most beautiful family...we are not perfect, in any way shape or form. We have our fair share of trials and problems, and life hasnt always been kind to us. But...another thing i have learned this week is that your family are your best friends. They love you regardless...even though at times you think what they are doing to/for you is harsh -it is always because the love you. They are there for you always, even when your "friends" dont appear. And they have your back...110%!

my hottie parents!

my beautiful older sister, Rochelle

my stunning younger sister, Maddison

 Life is a story that is constantly being written by someone who always has our best interests at heart..even though we dont always see that. We very rarely know what the outcome of our story will be, though we often have a plan in our mind of what we want it to be. Sometimes, most of the time, it is not what He wants for us. And when it doesnt turn out our way...we hurt. We get upset and think life is just not fair anymore. We see everything as doom and gloom and find it hard to look for the positives in the situations.

But..i believe there are always positives to each negative.

 There is a reason everything happens the way it does...sometimes it just takes us awhile to see it. And that is perfectly ok.  It is ok to grieve what you thought was best for you...it is ok to cry and think 'woe was me' for a little while. But, the sun always comes up again and its a new day.

We only have limited time on this earth. We never know when our story will end. We shouldnt live our life in fear of that, but rather we should just simply LIVE our life. Each day is a blessing and a gift and we shouldnt spend it dwelling on the past...what could have been. Instead, we should embrace our days, grab them by the reins and soar forward - exploring new possibilities and having fun in the process. Life is MUCH too short to be sad.

Much love