What would you do?

As a follow on from my earlier post today, I wanted to write this post because as a mother, I think it is important to be open, honest and seek help and support from those around you.

I have two beautiful, little girls. Miss Placid (2.5 year old) and Miss Cheeky (10 month old). Both are completely different in every way - personality wise the most. Miss Cheeky is loud....very loud. She loves to use her voice by squealing at the top of her lungs, babbling, yelling/shouting etc. She is also a very happy and energetic little girl. Always on the move, doesn't sit still - has to explore everything and not miss out on anything!

Miss Placid is headstrong, stubborn, vivacious, independent, cheeky and very intelligent. She was always a serious child, it took a lot to get a giggle out of her when she was younger. People often commented on how serious she was and is - she just liked to take everything in, be an observer. 

Miss Placid does not like her little sister very much of late. She cant stand her opening her mouth to make any noise, and the moment she does - she screams at her....."STOP YELLINGGGGGGGGG....NOOOOOOOOOO". This goes on from the moment they wake to the moment they go to bed. And sometimes, if Miss Placid is in bed and hears Miss Cheeky awake making noise - she will tell her off from her bedroom! Miss Cheeky thinks its hilarious as she is getting responded to. She will make a squawk, get a reaction from her big sister, and so she continues.

A day in my life...

Miss Cheeky wakes up crying, get her up, feed her and let her play. She is happy and starts babbling away etc. Miss Placid wakes up and asks if i can put Miss Cheeky back to bed already. I bring Miss Placid out into the living area and she starts yelling at her sister already. She usually only has to look at her for her to get angry - or start crawling towards her. Miss Cheeky inquisitively will come up to the couch to stand in front of her sister. Miss Placid then screams at her, kicks her or hits her. She gets sent to timeout, Miss Cheeky is crying. Miss Placid continues screaming because the Miss Cheeky is making noise.
---Repeat for the next 12 hours---

The only time there is peace is when either Miss Cheeky is asleep or out of sight. We live in a small town and to get anywhere takes a maximum of 10 minutes, but most of my car trips are much less than that. They will scream at each other the entire journey, even if it is only for 1 minute. All because Miss Cheeky opens her mouth or looks at her.

I have been to see a health nurse to determine whether or not Miss Placid has auditory processing issues. We are currently on a wait list (and have been for a few months now) to get assessed by an Occupational Therapist. She has always been sensitive to noises: the hairdryer, lawn mower, vacuum cleaner, blender, cars - they all frighten her - but from my limited experience, these things frighten lots of little kids! She has extremely good hearing - she can hear the Mr Whippy van from a mile away - before it is audible to me! She doesn't seem bothered by other loud babies/kids - just her little sister.

The question I would like to pose to whomever may read this is this:

What would you do? How would you handle this situation in terms of discipline? 

If physical violence is carried out on her sister, we have been putting her straight into timeout, no warnings, as this is obviously very dangerous. As soon as timeout is over though, she can be straight back in there within 5 minutes if she does it again. We haven't really smacked her much and my reasoning for that is - if she hits her sister, then I were to say, "You don't hit your sister" - along with giving her a smack on her bottom - is that not a contradictory message to her? That must be very confusing for a child thinking, well I got in trouble for smacking, but now you are smacking me - how does that work?

I am not saying I am against smacking, or for it - I am simply a mother trying to assess what is the best form of discipline to teach my children that it is not OK to be violent in a way that they understand the message clearly and precisely and learn to not do it! All different options we have tried so far haven't been very successful as she is still carrying out this behaviour and it is becoming more frequent. It is not just confined to the home anymore, we can be at a friends home, or at the shops. I have had to separate them in the car (one car seat on each side of the car) as she would hurt her little sister in the car. It is hard to take them in the pram (as we have a side by side double pram) as the same thing occurs, and the trolley at the shops is near impossible. 

The bible tells us that discipline is necessary to grow strong children who are respectful - and that by doing so, we are not damaging them, but rather showing them love. However, it doesn't simply define discipline in a clear way for me to understand. 

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Proverbs 13:24 

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 23:13 

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

Proverbs 29:17 

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

Ephesians 6:4 

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 1:8-9 

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 22:6 

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

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This is where I guess what works for some, doesn't work for others and vice versa. How can I show my children God's love through discipline when all the chaos mentioned above is going on? It seems near impossible as I can hardly hear my own thoughts, so I can see how any words I say will simply go through one ear and out the other for them! I do know that things will get easier in time, and that for me, this is simply a bumpy road that we are travelling on at the moment, but it is hard to not feel envious at other families who seem to have it so much easier. I know that everyone has their problems, but not many are willing to tell you that - which is where self doubt comes in for so many people. There is such a notion out there that to be that perfect mother that has it altogether - that has discipline under control, that does craft and schooling with their children everyday, that takes them to activities to enhance their knowledge, that teaches them constantly about Christ and his love. I want to be that mother, but I am not perfect and I simply cannot. I have to take my children separately to activities - i try to leave Miss Cheeky with family whilst I take Miss Placid to the Dr etc to limit fighting. I gave up on playgroup as it was just too difficult. I have grand plans everyday to do craft and fun things with the girls but when the fighting starts - its impossible. I have to play with them separately as together, there is too much animosity and tears. I have to watch them like hawks for fear if i take my eyes away for a second, Miss Cheeky will get hurt.

 I find my hope in Christ and I cling onto it with all I have. By the end of the day, I am exhausted, all my strength has gone and I am usually found weeping or just simply slumped on the couch wondering how I even made it through the day. But a new morning always comes and with a brave smile I face yet another day - kind of stumbling through as I really don't know what I am doing. I'm praying that we find something that works for us, quickly, for the sake of both my girls, but for our whole family well-being too - as it is so hard for me to be the mother I want to be, when there is so much yelling and fighting going on all day. 

I would love to hear from anyone and everyone on this topic. Put yourself in my shoes and try to understand where I am coming from. No judgement will be made, but if you would prefer to remain anonymous, either send me a PM on facebook or send an email to me here.

From one mother to the next...

x

Public Displays of Tantrums

PDTs...yep, they are real people!

I believe all toddlers have this secret language whereby they learn this art form and how to perform it at the most crucial time to have maximum effect. Whether it be whilst you have a full trolley in a long line at the checkout of the supermarket, trying to wrangle multiple children safely through a car park, or when you take them to a brand new class or activity where you are trying to make a sweet impression in front of people you've never met before.

We've all been there...and if you haven't yet- just wait for it! It will come when you least expect it!! They are becoming a common occurrence in my day - let me tell you about the 2 I was blessed with earlier this week, in one day...

I took both girls out in the morning for a quick walk to a friends house, about 6 houses away. I can see their house from my front door so i thought we should simply walk...pram not necessary ill carry Miss Cheeky and Miss Placid can walk as she is super independent anyway! The walk there was lovely, but just as we went to come home, it began...all over a rolled up newspaper.

....Miss Placid picks it up off the driveway and i tell her it needs to stay there so our friends can read it...wrong answer, mum!!! World war 3 erupted and miss stubborn grounded her heels in and stormed to the side of their driveway. My arms were loaded with nappy bag and baby and I'm looking toward our house thinking its not that far away. That 1 minute walk there suddenly turned into what felt like half an hours walk home!! She screamed and carried on THE ENTIRE WAY HOME.  She stopped periodically to wriggle out of my hand to run up someones driveway, and occasionally to ask "whats that?" when something caught her eye, but no sooner did she stop than she started all over again. Thankfully, i saw no cars and no people but the whole neighbour surely heard her!!! Once inside it took her a further 15 minutes to completely calm down over the whole incident!!!

The second such display was in Coles and i was really setting myself up for a failure anyway. I needed to run to Coles to grab some Greek yogurt for part of our dinner. It was necessary as we were having a curry and they wouldn't touch it without a bit of yogurt in there. Miss Cheeky had been awake since 12:45pm and refused an afternoon nap - so she was already grizzly. Miss Placid was having a nice long nap. The second she awoke at 4pm - she came out to the lounge all groggy when i advised her we needed to run to the shops. I managed to coax her into the car with a bag of plain popcorn. Everyone strapped in, Peppa Pig switched on in the car and off we go.

After a mini setback about not wanting to hold my hand through the car park, we set off for Coles, baby on hip, toddler by the hand.. The second we get in the door she wriggles out of my hand "i not need hold hand, mum". Righto! Grab the yogurt then cue the MEGA tantrum over who knows what this time!!! She just started screaming!!!! People were looking over at me and i was quickly getting flustered...nothing i said to her was helping, until i bent down to her level and said "lets go find a lollipop"....silence...."i get lollipop, mum, yum!!" Success!!!!

I race to purchase the yogurt and lollipop and run as quickly as possible back to the car.

This is our third notable PTA as we had one on mothers day at the shopping centre too. My husband was with me at the time and we put her in timeout on a bench which was a better alternative than bribery but hey, you do what you can to survive in the moment, don't you!!

Looking back at these incidents, i realise i really should not have not offered the lollipop at all as it was kind of rewarding her behaviour in a way. We shouldn't be embarrassed by our kids reactions, but that is easier said than done when in the heat of the moment! The people that stare, shake their heads in disgust and make rude comments have either never had kids or cant remember what it was like!!! Its not easy, your not an awful parent, and they are not evil kids! They are simply pushing boundaries and showing the emotions they don't yet know how to regulate- its up to us how we teach them those skills!!

Next time, and I'm sure it wont be too far away, i think i might just grab the kids and run out the shops as quickly as possible and never look back!!

A mothers love

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mothers out there who read this :) We have a very difficult job that doesn't get easier, it simply changes over time. We are role models for these children of ours and we are fighting a daily battle within ourselves to ensure we make the right choices when it comes to parenting them - to ensure they have the best life possible.  We need to give ourselves more credit - and we should be celebrating each other daily - not just on this one "hallmark" day :) Whenever you get the chance, give a mum a hug and a pat on the back and tell them they are doing a fantastic job - because more often than not, she will be doubting herself!

I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the job that is motherhood.  It is such an honour and blessing (though some days this can be hard to see!) to have the privilege of being called mum. They say it is the hardest job in the world - and i am yet to disagree with that statement. 

From the moment you think about conceiving a child, your love for them has already begun. You are itching to take a test to determine whether or not this month will be your month! You remortgage your house to take a bajillion pregnancy tests, even though you know its still too early to tell! But when that faint little line shows up- you are elated and sucked in hook line and sinker to this tiny little life that has begun growing inside.

 You now instantly turn from being elated to down right freaked out over every little thing! You become a rude dinner guest turning down delicious delicacies because they are not safe, you give up your love of wine, you can no longer use that gift voucher to go horse-riding, you have to suffer the brunt of cold and flu season armed with only panadol, and if you suffer hayfever- good luck! You are constantly needing to pee, and dreading going for number twos!! You become a pin cushion at the doctor surgery and spend the better part of the pregnancy waiting there for appointments. You have cravings, get swollen feet, and if your as lucky as me, get a bout of bells palsy to partially paralyse half of your face for a couple of weeks!! You worry abut every little twinge, or lack thereof, if you bleed or dont bleed, if you gain weight or dont. There is no easy ride through pregnancy- especially when you love something so much that you havent yet met!

For 9 long months (sometimes less sometimes more) you carry, nurture and grow this young babe inside you. You have days of pure joy where you admire your rounded belly and changing features, where you document them with selfies and blogs - and then in the next instant, your emotions change and you feel pure rage at anyone who decides to get in your way that particular day.  Then you simply want that precious young baby OUT!!!! So - you send them their eviction notice....you try every remedy under the sun to induce labour ASAP! You run up hills, go on bumpy car rides, sniff weird oils, eat spicy food, bounce endlessly on fitballs....whatever it tales. Until you succumb to the realisation that it is in no way in your hands when you get to meet your precious baby- but rather in the hands of God who allowed you the blessing and honour to carry your baby in the first place!

Then one precious day, out of nowhere - it begins. For some labour is a long and excruciating journey, and for others it is extremely short and bearable! Some will rely on pain relief and others none at all. But for all concerned, it doesnt matter one bit. The day has come where they finally get to meet their precious little bundle.

Some feel an instant connection and for others it takes time. I loved my girls fiercely but it took me some time to grow the strength and courage to believe i was worthy enough to be their mama. But from the minute they were conceived- they stole a piece of my heart, a big piece - and i was forever captivated by them.  My heart aches for them - i long for them to live lives full of purpose and love. I fight for them - i want them to be independent, but dependent on Christ, strong, but still need His strength, and for them to realise that they hold the key to become whatever it is they dream to be - as long as they believe he has a plan and a solid purpose for their lives.

 

My motherhood journey is still a very unpredictable roller coaster at the moment. Some days are just bliss- we craft, dance, play, sing - they are well mannered and play nice with each other and I feel like the best mother in the world! Then other days, i honestly dont want to face the day- the tantrums start from the moment they wake til the moment they go to bed (if they stay asleep!!) and at the end of the day, im spent and am left feeling like the worst mother in the world. But i wouldn't trade any of it. I am their mother, teacher, friend, comforter, chauffeur, artist, singer, actress, chef... The list goes on.  

You hate seeing them in pain and when they are struck down with illness (sometimes, back to back!) you fight for them - you persist with doctor after doctor, you stay up with them all night, you hound the hospitals and health direct until you get answers! You trust your instinct and you protect your babies! You would give anything to keep them safe and healthy. They are your first thought when you wake and your last when you go to bed and you are dreaming of them and for them and praying for them all through the night. 

Many women long for this:  many cannot conceive, are trying to conceive, or have their babies gain their wings far too early in pregnancy or soon after. Life isnt always fair, but God is a good God and even though we might not understand the cards he deals us - there is always a greater purpose for them. For these women, remember, you are still mothers - your little blessings are either watching you from up above or you are simply just yet to meet them yet :)

 

So regardless of how tough i think my journey is (particularly on those rough days), I try my best to remember to count my blessings - to be thankful that I have the privilege of being a mother.  I am honoured to have 2 happy, healthy, confident and vivacious little blessings in my life and that is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

X

It doesnt have to be so hard...

Sometimes life can just be so confusing, cant it? If its not overwhelming, with stress, anxiety, illness and uncertainty, its underwhelming, with the mundane things of a simple day to day existence.

The last few months for me have been a little of both.  It has been so hard to find a happy medium - a place where i am simply content. The days, weeks and months were just flying by and sometimes i didnt even know what my purpose was anymore. I know God has big things in store for me- I claim that - he just hasnt yet revealed them to me. But, in all honesty, i havent actively been seeking His purpose either. 

Sometimes i can get so caught up in the stresses of my life- trying to juggle it all in my own: being a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend - everyone wants a piece of me!!!  I have not liked the person i have become during this time. I was miserable, defeated, feeling like the worst mother in the world. I resented having to get up in the morning to face another day of tears, tantrums and sickness!!! Then, eventually (and sometimes this takes months!!) i remember - God is a good God and He asks us to lean on Him, seek Him, trust Him and ask him for help and guidance. Then i feel utterly ashamed at my stupidity - He must be sitting up there shaking his head thinking, "when will she learn life is meant to be enjoyed, not loathed- come to Me!!"

But you know what? When i does click and i do actually remember to trust in him- and to remember that he has a bigger purpose for all the little things in my life...that is when i feel the most content. Suddenly i become a new person!!! Calm, collected, patient, understanding. That is when i am a fun mum, a loving wife, a present daughter and an understanding sister and friend. He gives me the grace to keep on going and the patience to take each day one step at a time.

There is no need to live an anxious, stress-filled life. God wants us to be at peace so we can live to our full potential in Him - to live out the awesome life He has planned for us!! 

And the best part???.......Did you know he has one written specifically for YOU? He is just waiting, ever so patiently for you to remember and to stop trying to solve all your problems on your own!!

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete"

John 16:24

Daydreams of Daisies

I started this blog upon an urging from my Maker. I had blogged before, but life always gets a one up on me. 

I never set aside time for myself. 

As a busy mum to two little ones, I am always putting everyone else's needs above my own. But. I too have a need. 

I need a place to write the ramblings of my mind and heart again, to set them free. He promised me: "connect with me, and I will set you free - there is a beauty within you that needs to be shared". 

So...here goes. There will be plenty of laughs, tears and advice I am sure. And then there will be days where there might not be much more than a word. I feel I have so much to share, and so much to give - but I am doing this more importantly for myself - to discover who I am, and to connect with my one true love again. For He is the one who already knows who I am, He is simply urging me to start dreaming of bigger things...to start daydreaming of daisies and all things beautiful that He has set apart for me.

Who is coming along with me?