One of the hardest lessons I have learnt since becoming a mother is to relax. Babies are all different. They shouldn't be compared. They shouldn't be moulded into categories. They are individuals. What works for one, wont necessarily work for the other.
Seems pretty common sense right? Yes. But...something happens when you become a parent. You second guess your heart and your common sense. People come at you from every which angle saying "Oh, your baby should be sleeping this much", "shame, she isn't sleeping through yet, by 4 months they should be", "they really should be awake for 2 hours at a time", "oh is she not rolling yet?", "she should be drinking this much at each feed", "she shouldn't still be feeding 3 hourly at this age". There are a billion and one books out there with baby routines in them that depict what your child should be doing at each monthly milestone.
I am a huge believer in routines. I like them for me. I like to know whats happening when and what my week is going to consist of, but my baby does not fit a mould. She likes to feed 3 hourly. She will still wake at 3am in the morning for a feed. She likes to start her day at 6, not 7am. She still happily sleeps for 40 minutes at a time through the day and she will stay awake for as long as she likes, sometimes 2 hours, sometimes 1 and a half hours, sometimes more. She isn't rolling yet, but she is happy and content. She rarely finishes a bottle and doesn't have the recommended amount the tins suggest for her age.
This....is....OK!
Parenting is a tough gig. You want what is best for your child and you want to be the best parent you can be. If routines work for your baby - that is fantastic! But if they don't, don't stress about it! Our babies are only little for a short amount of time and instead of worrying about how long they are sleeping and staying awake, we should simply be enjoying them!
For months I stressed...The world was telling me my baby should be sleeping for 2 hours in the morning and at lunch, so i would sit in her room beside her cot, for 2 hours, constantly trying to keep her asleep for that 2 hours. I would keep putting the dummy back in and try to "ssh" her back to sleep. She would resist but I kept persisting, thinking that she should be sleeping when she wanted to play.
As parents I think there needs to be more encouragement than criticism. We need to support each other and respect each others decisions and we need to understand that no two babies are the same.
I found motherhood so stressful, and nothing like what I imagined it would be. Because of stressing so much about what Miss Placid should be doing, I missed out on simply just enjoying her through the earlier months and instead developed mild depression. I swore black and blue I didn't want any more children as it was just too stressful.
It may have taken me 5 months to figure this out, but I am glad i did. I now look forward to continuing to expand our family when the time is right. As a mother, you know what is best for your child. Listen to your heart and do what works for you and your children - it may be what everyone else says to, but if it is not, that is OK! You know your baby best!
Much love
Daughter of the King
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