I thee wed...

Marriage is on my mind tonight.

I am in no way an expert on the matter! Matt and I have only been married for 6 years. However, I am constantly learning and growing in my walk with Matt. Marriages are falling apart all around and it has really struck me in the core of my being. I have been reflecting on my own marriage, and as I have done so, a few points have popped into my mind that I would like to share with you all. Here they go:

---Dont forget why you fell in love---

Looking back on photos from when Matt and I first met, I cant help but relive the feeling of utter excitement and passion that we once had back then! We were the epitomy of the term 'love birds', just ask anyone that knew us! 

We flitted about our workplaces bragging about how wonderful each other was. We got all giddy when we would receive emails from one another and I remember the butterflies that would be in my stomach every time I would go on a date with Matt. He treated me like a princess and stole my heart completely. Our noses would always mysteriously be sore - it turns out it was from kissing each other too much!!! And we have a gazillion photos and selfies of our dating years because we wanted to capture every single moment and remember it forever, because it was GOOD!

Our spark was vivid and strong and I was sure that it would be that way for the rest of our lives... (haha can you tell I read too many fairytales when I was younger?)

Our first date - the first time we met face to face!

But, what actually happens to that spark when you get married? Why does it happen? I could not tell you the exact moment when ours started to fade, but at some point in the fast pace of our lives, it did. 

I think when we are dating, and in our 'love bubble' we spend most of our time consumed with one another. They are always on our minds, we are always speaking with one another, flirting, going out to romantic places. 

We were spontaneous, we had time (and money) to go wherever we liked. We had no ties (no children!). Then, at some point - life kicks in. We focus our time and energy on our work (because we need money to build the lives we want to live), we get busy, we forget to 'date' one another, we let go of ourselves a bit, we become relaxed. Then children might come along, and they take up a huge portion of our time and energy. We are too tired to engage in conversation with our spouses and we have had children touching us all day that when they are finally in bed, we just want some PERSONAL SPACE....

Take a moment, go back over old photos and videos like me if you need to, but remember what it was about them that made you fall head over heels in love. What was it about them that drew you near? Then, muster up the courage and start over! Dont just think about it, ACTUALLY DO IT! Start flirting with one another again, compliment each other, send cheeky text messages, give each other massages, share a sneaky kiss, be spontaneous, book a babysitter and go out for a meal together, hold each others hands, snuggle up in bed.

You might be thinking that yes, that all sounds good and well in theory, but in practice, its a nightmare! I never said it was going to be easy. It takes alot of thought and effort...but trust me, the outcomes are worth it!

---Communication is vital---

It is so important to be able to communicate with your partner, not just on a casual, "Hey, how was your day?" basis, but on a much deeper level. To discuss your deepest fears, triumphs and goals without being worried about how the other person might react and without a massive argument ensuing!

It has taken Matt and I quite some time to be able to master having an 'adult' conversation about important topics in our marriage. We used to bicker and argue to the point where neither of us were being heard or getting our point across. The conversation would usually then completely go off track and we would just be throwing verbal grenades at one another, bringing up dirt from the past and just getting nasty!

It takes work, practice and patience. You need to be able to say how you are feeling and be heard, and you need to be able to hear your spouse. Both need mutual respect and neither's opinions should be shoved to the wayside. When things would get out of control in a conversation, sometimes I would simply need to stop, take a breath, regain myself and reword what I was trying to say. 

Try not to let the sun go down on an argument. This is an age old saying, but it is important. I do believe sometimes we need 'cooling' off periods, but I also believe its important to never leave one another hanging, to get to the bottom of the issue and sort it out.

If you haven't yet mastered the art of communication with your spouse, there is no shame in seeking counselling. Counsellors are able to teach you both methods of communication that will be of such a great benefit to your relationship.

---Be the change - build up THEIR love tank---

There are 2 people in a marriage and sometimes, if you want things to change, you need to be willing to make changes yourself! I could go on for days about all the things I would love Matt to do differently. But I have learnt, that if I want to see change, all I need to do is start changing myself. 

When I start loving Matt, in every way - it has a roll on effect. It builds up HIS love tank. He feels loved, appreciated, desired and wanted. When he is feeling good about himself in the relationship, he becomes more willing to love me in the ways that mean the most to me. His love tank overflows and starts filling mine up! We all have different love languages, Matt's is most definitely touch, whereas mine is acts of service and gifts! Matt could tell me im beautiful all day long, but to really love me, all I desire is to be thought of - simple things like planning a picnic together (and organising all the logistics, including the kids being looked after) mean the world to me! 

Find out what love language your partner is and work to love them in the way that means the most to them!

---Be a mighty team---

Help each other! Sit down and plan your goals together then work towards them hand in hand! Dont have 'my jobs' and 'your jobs' help each other with ALL jobs. Try not to bicker on whose occupation is more important or more tiring than the others. In our house, we have to settle with the fact that they are both equally as demanding. Matt works long shifts out in the weather, whereas I work just as long shifts at home with whatever 'weather' my girls wish to throw at me that particular day! But when Matt is home from work, we work as a team...we help each other out with the tasks and duties to be done. Neither of us gets to sit and chill out because we have had a tough day at work, until the girls are in bed and the house is in order. Stop fighting with one another and start working together. 

---Keep God at the centre---

The couple that prays together, stays together! Oh....I had to say it :) But you know what, there is truth in it. Keeping God at the centre of your marriage gives you a direction and purpose. He is the master planner of our lives, he orchestrated our marriage, he knows what we are going to argue about, before we argue about it. He loves us, and he wants us to succeed. Because when we are on the same page together, working towards a common goal, with Christ at the centre, boy does Satan need to LOOK OUT! You become an unstoppable force! There will always be road blocks and hurdles in your marriage, things that come to try and trip you up. If you can stay focussed on God's purpose for your marriage and his truth's that nothing is impossible, he will never place you in situations that exceed what you can bear, and that all things work together for his glory - you will weather those storms with grace and come out with a deeper understanding of his love, and a greater love for one another.

Marriage really is about honouring one another and being selfless in doing so. In the chaos that is life, stop and LOVE your spouse. It is not an easy road, it is one of the hardest things I have ever put my energy into, but I know that it is rewarding. 

I want a marriage that is exciting, engaging and meaningful. I want there to be passion and spontenaity and romance. I want people to look at our marriage and say, "Hey, I want what they have!". There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. They are a contstant work in progress. But the ones that realise where they are going wrong, and actively start to make changes to make it better, are the ones that stay strong and continue to thrive through the years. Life throws so many hurdles at us - these trials help to keep us honest and help us develop our strength.

STOP for a minute
THINK about your marriage
HUMBLE yourself
LOVE your spouse
TALK with each other
PRAY together

LAUGH together
FLIRT with one another
ENJOY what God has given you

Much love

xxx

Perfectly imperfect

I am not perfect.

I can be a bitch. 

I can be self-centred.

 I can be moody. 

I can be a gossip. 

I can judge books by their covers. 

I can lie. 

I can be lazy.

 I can be conceited. 

I can hold grudges.

I can, and I have. And I probably will still continue to do some of these things from time to time. Because, I am not perfect.

I am only human.

We are all sinners.

I mentioned that God convicts me of things on a daily basis, right? He is always speaking to me, audibly or inaudibly - usually through a little quiet voice in my head. It keeps nagging me until I listen and obey.  My children are also great at keeping me centered! They are so innocent and dont understand the complexities of relationships and treat everyone with equal respect - they hold no grudges. Miss Placid humbled me on this one with a relationship very recently.

Sometimes, it takes me quite some time to actually be obedient. 

I have held grudges against some people in my life, and I can find it really hard to move past them, because I am stubborn, and I dont want to be the first person to apologise! I often think, well, its not just me that is behaving like this, they are being just as stubborn - or I can justify my actions because of a certain way they might have treated me.

I know it's not right. But its just the way it goes sometimes. 

I have been spending a portion of my very rare spare time (after I have run around doing everything else I want to accomplish in the wee hours of child free time before my bedtime!) doing a bible study on the book of Esther. I have been learning so much, not just about the story of Esther, but about myself, in the process. It is amazing what God can teach you if you open up your heart and are willing to hear and learn!

One thing that hit home to me is that it isnt about appearances. What is inside is far more beautiful. I can doll myself up to the nines, pretty my hair, put on some makeup and a nice outfit and could fool the world that I have it altogether. I don't. No one really does. We are all struggling with our own demons and things that tear us apart inside. Insecurities, self-worthlessness, financial struggles, parenting dilemmas. 

I for one have a huge list of my own: I dislike the wisps of baby hair on my forehead, I hate my teeth, I have a lot of post-baby flab to lose, my eyelashes annoy me, the pigment of my skin bugs me, I hate my wardrobe, I feel people judge me by my age sometimes, and that hurts. I don't like looking young and immature in a room full of women who seem so much more wise and mature than I. I worry I am not a good enough mother/wife/daughter/friend, I compare my walk with others, I envy those who get to travel and do missions, I covet, I worry my life has no purpose sometimes, I compare my kids and their behaviours to others...

See - proof I don't have it altogether, folks :)

If you see me out and about, try not to judge me. Get to know me, and I promise I will try to do the same for you. Life is not a competition. It is not about who has the most beautiful body, the best behaved children, the most magnificent house, or the best travelled passport. I try to be as honest and open as I can about my life and my struggles in the vain hope that someone out there might get a glimmer of hope that 
it is ok to not have it altogether.
It's ok to have days where you feel all hope is lost. Its ok to fail and be imperfect and do all those imperfect things mentioned above. But if you can stop every now and then and self-reflect, ask for forgiveness and humble yourself to move forward, you are one step ahead!

Comparison is everywhere in our world. It is in the media, in our tv's/magazines, social media, businesses, workplaces and playgroups. There is always someone who seems to have it better than we have or have it more together than we have. You don't know what happens behind their closed doors - and I can assure you, its not always pretty :) If we can invest our time more in learning what God wants for us, rather than trying to wish our lives were more like someone elses, I think we will find a peace and joy that is far more enriching and satisfying than any material thing or personal attribute anyone else could have!

I am trying my best to live a life worthy of God's calling. But whilst parading down the red carpet of my life I am going to stack it in my high heels plenty of times down that runway!

You are beautiful. 
You are worthy. 
You are enough. 

xxx

Romans 3:23-24

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Be still

Tonight I was reminded of an important lesson...to simply be still and listen.

Miss Placid is at the stage now where she has so many questions and so much to say...all the time. In the fast pace of life it is easy to brush her off when I am too busy with a simple, "mmm-hmmm.." or yes or no answers, without actually listening to what she is saying. Most of the time, it doesnt seem to bother her very much, she simply hops up and moves along to the next thing.

A few weeks ago, we had a blackout that started just as I was about to put the her to bed.  Thankfully, the blackout didnt last for very long at all - but she was frightened so I grabbed a heap of candles, lit them, and placed them strategically around the house. 

It was so beautiful to see her excitement and joy as we 'camped out' in the kitchen surrounded by the candlelight. She had the same nervous excitement that I have when a scary situation comes around. She was shaking and her little voice was trembling. "I'm a bit scared, mum. Can i have the iPad please". Peppa pig on the iPad solves all scary situations :)

The last few nights, just before her bedtime, she has been asking me to turn the lights off in the house and light some candles. In a rush to get her into bed (so I can have some downtime!) I have said no without a second thought to it. Though tonight, for some reason, I felt convicted of my thoughts and actions, and when she asked, "Mum, you turn lights off and put candles on, please?", I considered for a moment what it might mean to her. Yes, I was in a hurry to have a shower myself, clean the kitchen, read her a book and put her to bed...but she was wanting to experience something special.

I grabbed 5 tealight candles from the pantry, lit them and I placed them on the hallway dresser, just at her eye level. I switched off all the lights and tv's in the house and watched her. She stood beside those candles, just staring at them quietly, for what seemed an eternity. She uttered phrases like, "wow, they so cool mum", "oh, pretty" and "look, I see bubbles" (not quite sure what she meant by that!). 

I grabbed the camera to snap a few shots of this little memory making session, and she looked straight over to me and said, "you so nice, mum". It melted my heart. 

I soaked in every minute, wondering what was going through her little mind as she watched the tiny little wicker flicker with the flame. I asked her who made fire, and she said "God and Jesus did". We spoke of why he made light - so we could see in the dark and not be afraid, and also to keep us warm. The whole process took less than 20 minutes, but to her, I was honoring her by simply being still and listening to her. It was showing her that I do care about what she has to say.

As I sit here reflecting on this tonight, it is so inline with our walk with Christ. He is always trying to get our attention, he speaks to us, convicts us, tugs at our skirt while most of the time, we are too busy to stop and listen to what he is trying to tell us. If we simply take the time to BE STILL...not only are we showing him that we care about what he has to say, but we will be SO blessed by what he is saying and what he is trying to tell us or show us.

I am SO guilty of being too busy. I honestly do not know where the hours in the day go. By the time the kids are in bed by 7 all I want to do is go to bed myself! But I have so much I still need and want to do also, like cleaning, running my small business, spending time in God's word, spending time with my husband, having time to myself.....I wouldn't get any sleep if I tried to fit all that in of an evening! 

I wouldn't say that I hear God's audible voice, but I know that he convicts me of things DAILY. He is the small voice whispering things to me, questioning my actions, constantly reminding me to be the woman he intended me to be, to walk down the path he created for me and to trust him daily with everything, including my parenting. Sometimes, I simply need a little reminder, like the lesson with the candles tonight, to make me stop and remember that HE is always drawing me closer to him, begging me to walk the path he created for me, instead of one I keep trying to clumsily make myself.

I pray that this week, you may also find the time to stop and be still. Listen to your children and your loved ones. But most importantly, listen to what God is telling you. He is there, always beside you, always loving you, always gently whispering in your ear - whether it be directly to you or indirectly to you from someone else. Only He knows what is best for you....

xxx

Psalm 46:10

 “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

1 Peter 3:4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

What would you do?

As a follow on from my earlier post today, I wanted to write this post because as a mother, I think it is important to be open, honest and seek help and support from those around you.

I have two beautiful, little girls. Miss Placid (2.5 year old) and Miss Cheeky (10 month old). Both are completely different in every way - personality wise the most. Miss Cheeky is loud....very loud. She loves to use her voice by squealing at the top of her lungs, babbling, yelling/shouting etc. She is also a very happy and energetic little girl. Always on the move, doesn't sit still - has to explore everything and not miss out on anything!

Miss Placid is headstrong, stubborn, vivacious, independent, cheeky and very intelligent. She was always a serious child, it took a lot to get a giggle out of her when she was younger. People often commented on how serious she was and is - she just liked to take everything in, be an observer. 

Miss Placid does not like her little sister very much of late. She cant stand her opening her mouth to make any noise, and the moment she does - she screams at her....."STOP YELLINGGGGGGGGG....NOOOOOOOOOO". This goes on from the moment they wake to the moment they go to bed. And sometimes, if Miss Placid is in bed and hears Miss Cheeky awake making noise - she will tell her off from her bedroom! Miss Cheeky thinks its hilarious as she is getting responded to. She will make a squawk, get a reaction from her big sister, and so she continues.

A day in my life...

Miss Cheeky wakes up crying, get her up, feed her and let her play. She is happy and starts babbling away etc. Miss Placid wakes up and asks if i can put Miss Cheeky back to bed already. I bring Miss Placid out into the living area and she starts yelling at her sister already. She usually only has to look at her for her to get angry - or start crawling towards her. Miss Cheeky inquisitively will come up to the couch to stand in front of her sister. Miss Placid then screams at her, kicks her or hits her. She gets sent to timeout, Miss Cheeky is crying. Miss Placid continues screaming because the Miss Cheeky is making noise.
---Repeat for the next 12 hours---

The only time there is peace is when either Miss Cheeky is asleep or out of sight. We live in a small town and to get anywhere takes a maximum of 10 minutes, but most of my car trips are much less than that. They will scream at each other the entire journey, even if it is only for 1 minute. All because Miss Cheeky opens her mouth or looks at her.

I have been to see a health nurse to determine whether or not Miss Placid has auditory processing issues. We are currently on a wait list (and have been for a few months now) to get assessed by an Occupational Therapist. She has always been sensitive to noises: the hairdryer, lawn mower, vacuum cleaner, blender, cars - they all frighten her - but from my limited experience, these things frighten lots of little kids! She has extremely good hearing - she can hear the Mr Whippy van from a mile away - before it is audible to me! She doesn't seem bothered by other loud babies/kids - just her little sister.

The question I would like to pose to whomever may read this is this:

What would you do? How would you handle this situation in terms of discipline? 

If physical violence is carried out on her sister, we have been putting her straight into timeout, no warnings, as this is obviously very dangerous. As soon as timeout is over though, she can be straight back in there within 5 minutes if she does it again. We haven't really smacked her much and my reasoning for that is - if she hits her sister, then I were to say, "You don't hit your sister" - along with giving her a smack on her bottom - is that not a contradictory message to her? That must be very confusing for a child thinking, well I got in trouble for smacking, but now you are smacking me - how does that work?

I am not saying I am against smacking, or for it - I am simply a mother trying to assess what is the best form of discipline to teach my children that it is not OK to be violent in a way that they understand the message clearly and precisely and learn to not do it! All different options we have tried so far haven't been very successful as she is still carrying out this behaviour and it is becoming more frequent. It is not just confined to the home anymore, we can be at a friends home, or at the shops. I have had to separate them in the car (one car seat on each side of the car) as she would hurt her little sister in the car. It is hard to take them in the pram (as we have a side by side double pram) as the same thing occurs, and the trolley at the shops is near impossible. 

The bible tells us that discipline is necessary to grow strong children who are respectful - and that by doing so, we are not damaging them, but rather showing them love. However, it doesn't simply define discipline in a clear way for me to understand. 

_____________________________________________________________

Proverbs 13:24 

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 23:13 

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

Proverbs 29:17 

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

Ephesians 6:4 

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 1:8-9 

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 22:6 

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

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This is where I guess what works for some, doesn't work for others and vice versa. How can I show my children God's love through discipline when all the chaos mentioned above is going on? It seems near impossible as I can hardly hear my own thoughts, so I can see how any words I say will simply go through one ear and out the other for them! I do know that things will get easier in time, and that for me, this is simply a bumpy road that we are travelling on at the moment, but it is hard to not feel envious at other families who seem to have it so much easier. I know that everyone has their problems, but not many are willing to tell you that - which is where self doubt comes in for so many people. There is such a notion out there that to be that perfect mother that has it altogether - that has discipline under control, that does craft and schooling with their children everyday, that takes them to activities to enhance their knowledge, that teaches them constantly about Christ and his love. I want to be that mother, but I am not perfect and I simply cannot. I have to take my children separately to activities - i try to leave Miss Cheeky with family whilst I take Miss Placid to the Dr etc to limit fighting. I gave up on playgroup as it was just too difficult. I have grand plans everyday to do craft and fun things with the girls but when the fighting starts - its impossible. I have to play with them separately as together, there is too much animosity and tears. I have to watch them like hawks for fear if i take my eyes away for a second, Miss Cheeky will get hurt.

 I find my hope in Christ and I cling onto it with all I have. By the end of the day, I am exhausted, all my strength has gone and I am usually found weeping or just simply slumped on the couch wondering how I even made it through the day. But a new morning always comes and with a brave smile I face yet another day - kind of stumbling through as I really don't know what I am doing. I'm praying that we find something that works for us, quickly, for the sake of both my girls, but for our whole family well-being too - as it is so hard for me to be the mother I want to be, when there is so much yelling and fighting going on all day. 

I would love to hear from anyone and everyone on this topic. Put yourself in my shoes and try to understand where I am coming from. No judgement will be made, but if you would prefer to remain anonymous, either send me a PM on facebook or send an email to me here.

From one mother to the next...

x

Public Displays of Tantrums

PDTs...yep, they are real people!

I believe all toddlers have this secret language whereby they learn this art form and how to perform it at the most crucial time to have maximum effect. Whether it be whilst you have a full trolley in a long line at the checkout of the supermarket, trying to wrangle multiple children safely through a car park, or when you take them to a brand new class or activity where you are trying to make a sweet impression in front of people you've never met before.

We've all been there...and if you haven't yet- just wait for it! It will come when you least expect it!! They are becoming a common occurrence in my day - let me tell you about the 2 I was blessed with earlier this week, in one day...

I took both girls out in the morning for a quick walk to a friends house, about 6 houses away. I can see their house from my front door so i thought we should simply walk...pram not necessary ill carry Miss Cheeky and Miss Placid can walk as she is super independent anyway! The walk there was lovely, but just as we went to come home, it began...all over a rolled up newspaper.

....Miss Placid picks it up off the driveway and i tell her it needs to stay there so our friends can read it...wrong answer, mum!!! World war 3 erupted and miss stubborn grounded her heels in and stormed to the side of their driveway. My arms were loaded with nappy bag and baby and I'm looking toward our house thinking its not that far away. That 1 minute walk there suddenly turned into what felt like half an hours walk home!! She screamed and carried on THE ENTIRE WAY HOME.  She stopped periodically to wriggle out of my hand to run up someones driveway, and occasionally to ask "whats that?" when something caught her eye, but no sooner did she stop than she started all over again. Thankfully, i saw no cars and no people but the whole neighbour surely heard her!!! Once inside it took her a further 15 minutes to completely calm down over the whole incident!!!

The second such display was in Coles and i was really setting myself up for a failure anyway. I needed to run to Coles to grab some Greek yogurt for part of our dinner. It was necessary as we were having a curry and they wouldn't touch it without a bit of yogurt in there. Miss Cheeky had been awake since 12:45pm and refused an afternoon nap - so she was already grizzly. Miss Placid was having a nice long nap. The second she awoke at 4pm - she came out to the lounge all groggy when i advised her we needed to run to the shops. I managed to coax her into the car with a bag of plain popcorn. Everyone strapped in, Peppa Pig switched on in the car and off we go.

After a mini setback about not wanting to hold my hand through the car park, we set off for Coles, baby on hip, toddler by the hand.. The second we get in the door she wriggles out of my hand "i not need hold hand, mum". Righto! Grab the yogurt then cue the MEGA tantrum over who knows what this time!!! She just started screaming!!!! People were looking over at me and i was quickly getting flustered...nothing i said to her was helping, until i bent down to her level and said "lets go find a lollipop"....silence...."i get lollipop, mum, yum!!" Success!!!!

I race to purchase the yogurt and lollipop and run as quickly as possible back to the car.

This is our third notable PTA as we had one on mothers day at the shopping centre too. My husband was with me at the time and we put her in timeout on a bench which was a better alternative than bribery but hey, you do what you can to survive in the moment, don't you!!

Looking back at these incidents, i realise i really should not have not offered the lollipop at all as it was kind of rewarding her behaviour in a way. We shouldn't be embarrassed by our kids reactions, but that is easier said than done when in the heat of the moment! The people that stare, shake their heads in disgust and make rude comments have either never had kids or cant remember what it was like!!! Its not easy, your not an awful parent, and they are not evil kids! They are simply pushing boundaries and showing the emotions they don't yet know how to regulate- its up to us how we teach them those skills!!

Next time, and I'm sure it wont be too far away, i think i might just grab the kids and run out the shops as quickly as possible and never look back!!

A mothers love

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mothers out there who read this :) We have a very difficult job that doesn't get easier, it simply changes over time. We are role models for these children of ours and we are fighting a daily battle within ourselves to ensure we make the right choices when it comes to parenting them - to ensure they have the best life possible.  We need to give ourselves more credit - and we should be celebrating each other daily - not just on this one "hallmark" day :) Whenever you get the chance, give a mum a hug and a pat on the back and tell them they are doing a fantastic job - because more often than not, she will be doubting herself!

I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the job that is motherhood.  It is such an honour and blessing (though some days this can be hard to see!) to have the privilege of being called mum. They say it is the hardest job in the world - and i am yet to disagree with that statement. 

From the moment you think about conceiving a child, your love for them has already begun. You are itching to take a test to determine whether or not this month will be your month! You remortgage your house to take a bajillion pregnancy tests, even though you know its still too early to tell! But when that faint little line shows up- you are elated and sucked in hook line and sinker to this tiny little life that has begun growing inside.

 You now instantly turn from being elated to down right freaked out over every little thing! You become a rude dinner guest turning down delicious delicacies because they are not safe, you give up your love of wine, you can no longer use that gift voucher to go horse-riding, you have to suffer the brunt of cold and flu season armed with only panadol, and if you suffer hayfever- good luck! You are constantly needing to pee, and dreading going for number twos!! You become a pin cushion at the doctor surgery and spend the better part of the pregnancy waiting there for appointments. You have cravings, get swollen feet, and if your as lucky as me, get a bout of bells palsy to partially paralyse half of your face for a couple of weeks!! You worry abut every little twinge, or lack thereof, if you bleed or dont bleed, if you gain weight or dont. There is no easy ride through pregnancy- especially when you love something so much that you havent yet met!

For 9 long months (sometimes less sometimes more) you carry, nurture and grow this young babe inside you. You have days of pure joy where you admire your rounded belly and changing features, where you document them with selfies and blogs - and then in the next instant, your emotions change and you feel pure rage at anyone who decides to get in your way that particular day.  Then you simply want that precious young baby OUT!!!! So - you send them their eviction notice....you try every remedy under the sun to induce labour ASAP! You run up hills, go on bumpy car rides, sniff weird oils, eat spicy food, bounce endlessly on fitballs....whatever it tales. Until you succumb to the realisation that it is in no way in your hands when you get to meet your precious baby- but rather in the hands of God who allowed you the blessing and honour to carry your baby in the first place!

Then one precious day, out of nowhere - it begins. For some labour is a long and excruciating journey, and for others it is extremely short and bearable! Some will rely on pain relief and others none at all. But for all concerned, it doesnt matter one bit. The day has come where they finally get to meet their precious little bundle.

Some feel an instant connection and for others it takes time. I loved my girls fiercely but it took me some time to grow the strength and courage to believe i was worthy enough to be their mama. But from the minute they were conceived- they stole a piece of my heart, a big piece - and i was forever captivated by them.  My heart aches for them - i long for them to live lives full of purpose and love. I fight for them - i want them to be independent, but dependent on Christ, strong, but still need His strength, and for them to realise that they hold the key to become whatever it is they dream to be - as long as they believe he has a plan and a solid purpose for their lives.

 

My motherhood journey is still a very unpredictable roller coaster at the moment. Some days are just bliss- we craft, dance, play, sing - they are well mannered and play nice with each other and I feel like the best mother in the world! Then other days, i honestly dont want to face the day- the tantrums start from the moment they wake til the moment they go to bed (if they stay asleep!!) and at the end of the day, im spent and am left feeling like the worst mother in the world. But i wouldn't trade any of it. I am their mother, teacher, friend, comforter, chauffeur, artist, singer, actress, chef... The list goes on.  

You hate seeing them in pain and when they are struck down with illness (sometimes, back to back!) you fight for them - you persist with doctor after doctor, you stay up with them all night, you hound the hospitals and health direct until you get answers! You trust your instinct and you protect your babies! You would give anything to keep them safe and healthy. They are your first thought when you wake and your last when you go to bed and you are dreaming of them and for them and praying for them all through the night. 

Many women long for this:  many cannot conceive, are trying to conceive, or have their babies gain their wings far too early in pregnancy or soon after. Life isnt always fair, but God is a good God and even though we might not understand the cards he deals us - there is always a greater purpose for them. For these women, remember, you are still mothers - your little blessings are either watching you from up above or you are simply just yet to meet them yet :)

 

So regardless of how tough i think my journey is (particularly on those rough days), I try my best to remember to count my blessings - to be thankful that I have the privilege of being a mother.  I am honoured to have 2 happy, healthy, confident and vivacious little blessings in my life and that is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

X

It doesnt have to be so hard...

Sometimes life can just be so confusing, cant it? If its not overwhelming, with stress, anxiety, illness and uncertainty, its underwhelming, with the mundane things of a simple day to day existence.

The last few months for me have been a little of both.  It has been so hard to find a happy medium - a place where i am simply content. The days, weeks and months were just flying by and sometimes i didnt even know what my purpose was anymore. I know God has big things in store for me- I claim that - he just hasnt yet revealed them to me. But, in all honesty, i havent actively been seeking His purpose either. 

Sometimes i can get so caught up in the stresses of my life- trying to juggle it all in my own: being a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend - everyone wants a piece of me!!!  I have not liked the person i have become during this time. I was miserable, defeated, feeling like the worst mother in the world. I resented having to get up in the morning to face another day of tears, tantrums and sickness!!! Then, eventually (and sometimes this takes months!!) i remember - God is a good God and He asks us to lean on Him, seek Him, trust Him and ask him for help and guidance. Then i feel utterly ashamed at my stupidity - He must be sitting up there shaking his head thinking, "when will she learn life is meant to be enjoyed, not loathed- come to Me!!"

But you know what? When i does click and i do actually remember to trust in him- and to remember that he has a bigger purpose for all the little things in my life...that is when i feel the most content. Suddenly i become a new person!!! Calm, collected, patient, understanding. That is when i am a fun mum, a loving wife, a present daughter and an understanding sister and friend. He gives me the grace to keep on going and the patience to take each day one step at a time.

There is no need to live an anxious, stress-filled life. God wants us to be at peace so we can live to our full potential in Him - to live out the awesome life He has planned for us!! 

And the best part???.......Did you know he has one written specifically for YOU? He is just waiting, ever so patiently for you to remember and to stop trying to solve all your problems on your own!!

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete"

John 16:24

Daydreams of Daisies

I started this blog upon an urging from my Maker. I had blogged before, but life always gets a one up on me. 

I never set aside time for myself. 

As a busy mum to two little ones, I am always putting everyone else's needs above my own. But. I too have a need. 

I need a place to write the ramblings of my mind and heart again, to set them free. He promised me: "connect with me, and I will set you free - there is a beauty within you that needs to be shared". 

So...here goes. There will be plenty of laughs, tears and advice I am sure. And then there will be days where there might not be much more than a word. I feel I have so much to share, and so much to give - but I am doing this more importantly for myself - to discover who I am, and to connect with my one true love again. For He is the one who already knows who I am, He is simply urging me to start dreaming of bigger things...to start daydreaming of daisies and all things beautiful that He has set apart for me.

Who is coming along with me?