Lets just rewind that....

Can we start today over, already?

I have made myself a stiff vodka cuppa coffee, have some delicious peppermint and wild orange diffusing to help me relax, whilst D2 is down for a sleep (thank goodness for that!) and D1 is chilling in her room on the iPad. This mumma needs 5 minutes of peace to collect her thoughts of a crazy morning and let it gooooooooooooo let it goooooooooooo......

I really needed to get to the shops today to do our weekly grocery shop. I usually like to plan these trips sans children, but today, that wasnt possible. After waking, feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen, putting the washing on, folding and putting away the washing, showering and finally getting myself and the kids dressed, i quickly whipped up the shopping list for the week.  D2 came to me in the kitchen whilst I was writing the list and was pestering me for a banana (which we had none of!). I told her they were all gone and offered her something else to eat, but she cracked it and lost the plot! She had been a bit cranky all morning (nothing too new there!) so this for her must have been the icing on the cake, and do you know what she did with her frustration......she grabbed my thigh and sunk her teeth right into it, piercing the skin through my shorts, drawing blood and a nice little bruise! 

Now, I have never experienced this before as D1 never was a biter (or violent really at all). She would get frustrated but would thow a little tanty and be done with it. D2 has bitten herself before out of frustration, but never me or anyone else! A swift smack and timeout ensued, then I had a little chat with her and in our house we explain what they did that was wrong and usually they will say sorry, but do you know what the little monkey said, clear as day.... "No, I not want say sorry, mum!", along with a nice swipe to my face! 

.... 

.... 

My tension levels were already high, as you can imagine, and on top of that I had D1 telling me how much she didnt want to go to the shops and getting her panties in a knot over it! Finally, i managed to get them out the door and in the car, all the while Im thinking to myself - this is not going to end well.

It didnt, they fought and screamed and yelled at me for most of the shop, which lasted about 1.5 hours. Then on the way home, D2 asked for her water, which happens all the time in the car. Seriously, we will just get in the car and I put the car in reverse and they ask for everything under the sun: "I need my water, I want my shoes off, i want my window down, I want to go to the toilet..." I fumbled for the bottle and accidentally dropped it on the floor, she cracked it then I simply lost it! 

I went into a long rambling spiel about respecting your parents, and being patient and kind (all of which would have no doubt gone straight over their heads) then I cranked the music and drove home. Now..you might think its a bit excessive for me to get frustrated about passing water bottles back in the car to the kids...but seriously, we live like 5 minutes from anywhere in town...

When I pulled into the driveway to get the girls out, D1 was noticeably upset from the yelling and said her head was hurting from all the screaming (now she knows how i feel errrrrryday!) then proceeded to burst into tears saying she wanted her daddy, and so did D2. Cue me feeling like a parental failure! 

I love my girls to pieces, and would do anything in the world for them! And today I just feel super unappreciated by them. Woe was me, I know - but just needed to put that out into the world. I am not a super mum, I yell, I get frustrated, I sometimes wonder why I even wanted to have kids...especially on days like today. Then I try to remind myself, that these moments are only a blip in our lifetime. The good days do outweigh the bad, and that is something to cling onto! 

All I want is for my girls to grow up knowing they are loved and cherished, and for them to be able to love and cherish and respect others in the same way. But when I lose my marbles and snap at them (which is only human, mind you), they are learning that when life gets stressful, that must be how you handle a situation! Im not saying that its a bad thing, but I am saying it is something I want to change. I want to be more level headed and less dragon like...I want to be able to be firm but fair with them. So, I am going to trial this, and when I feel the frustration building up I am going to verbal diarrhea it all out on this blog to you guys....and then when they grow up, they can read all about it and be like....woah, we were little turds, mum was really so gentle and kind with us....muahahah :)

So, excuse me while I sign off for this abruptly and run to my bedroom for some peace and quiet before the little monsters awake! I'll leave you with some cute pictures of the girls (as they are, when they want to be!) and a little chat I had with D1 last night (on one of her many visits to me well after she was put to bed)!!

Mum.....

Yes, D1

I just want to marry someone.

Oh do you. Why is that?

I just want to marry someone when I am grown up.

Why?

Because I just want to.

Who are you going to marry?

Just a boy

Which boy?

*....thinking silence...*.....I think, Daddy! (with a huge grin on her face!)

But, Daddy is already married, i married him!

Well, Im going to marry him again!