So will I comfort you

 Sometimes, my steam tank just runs dry. I get overwhelmed. The kids are being a handful, I struggle to find the words to parent them, explain to them, my head becomes a cloud of confusion and all the stresses of my day to day life just washes over me and drowns me.

I know this well. I have been here before time and time again. That point where I am at the end of my strength, it is God's way of willing me back to him. I am so blessed to be able to hear his audible voice. He speaks to me, encourages me, holds my hand, and most important of all, he waits for me. He is patient, ever loving, ever forgiving. 

Life always gets in the way. It is fast paced. It moves with such a motion that it sweeps me off my feet and away in its current. The dance of our day to day lives becomes such a routine that it is predictable. There is comfort in that predicatability, but there is also a sense of loss. A sense that I am missing out on so much more. In the rush of things, I forget to make time to sit in His presence. And when I do that, I forget that I have someone who has the answers to make troubles seem bearable. To make parenting bearable. To make life bearable. He has the solutions. But I forget, and I try to do it all on my own.

I spend hours running things over and over in my mind, trying to make sense of things, trying to find solutions. I worry over my girls' health. I worry about if I am doing the right thing by restricting their diet to help their skin, when some days, it all seems in vain. I fear that I am doing damage by not parenting 'right': not saying the right things, not explaining things well enough to the girls. They fight and argue and bicker and don't share, and I get lost in it all, trying to figure out how to teach them on my own.And these are only part of my worries and concerns. There are many, many more.

They consume me. 

I find I spend all my time comforting the girls, helping others, but who is there to comfort me? Then I remember. That strong steady voice, calls my name, and I remember.

Today, hasn't been too bad. I've previously mentioned we are in a "rough" phase at the moment with the girls...there are massive mood swings, a lot of tears, many tantrums. They are not getting along so well at this point in time. It had been an intense morning at the shops with the girls, and I came home rattled and shaken with their behaviour. I popped DD2 down for a nap, and went to hang the washing out, knowing that when that was done, I would make a hot cup of tea and sit down for some peace.  

As I was hanging the clothes out, the wind rustled my hair and a peace came over me. He willed me to get on my knees, and speak to him. So I did. I asked for forgiveness for trying to do it all on my own, for ignoring him and not listening to what he has to say. Not trusting in him. I asked for his guidance and for him to help me find the words to say, when I feel I have none when it comes to teaching these beautiful girls of mine. I asked him for peace when I feel I have none, and a sense of calm when there is chaos. 

I made that hot cup of Rooibos and sat down at the table with my bible and a notepad. I was ashamed that I had to even find my bible, which had been sitting in my drawer, for far too long, untouched. I opened to the end of the chapter of Isaiah, and instantly found comfort in his words. The one tiny verse that spoke to my heart directly was this: 

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.." Isaiah 66:13

We spend so much of our time comforting our children, they become our focus, because they are "our everything". We love them with such passion and fervor and only want to do the best by them and for them. Sometimes, when we are focusing so hard on that, everything else in the bigger picture can become blurred....and we lose sight of what is most essential and important. We stop nurturing ourselves, we stop nurturing our relationships with our partners, and we stopped feeding our relationship with God. 

Don't feel shame at not being able to handle everything on your own. We are only human, we are not perfect. There is someone who wants to lighten your burden, beautiful mama. Someone who wants to pick you up and comfort you. Someone who wants to carry you when you feel you can go on no longer. Someone who loves you so, so much, he died just....for...you. All you need to do, is ask. Seek Him, and you will find Him.

xxx

A wave of emotions

I am slowly beginning to learn that my children's behaviour comes in waves. We will have a period of time where everything seems to be bliss...they are happy, they play nicely with each other and other children, they use their manners, they are polite, they dress themselves, they do as they are asked without complaining. Man...we love those times.  All is well in the world and we feel as though we have this parenting gig down pat. These periods go by so fast!

Then, they throw us a flippin curveball. They fight, argue, and bicker with one another. They speak rudely, they don't use manners. They tell me they don't love me anymore, or to go away, or that they want a new mum. They meltdown over really minuscule little things. These periods take forever...they are long and drawn out and make you feel like the worst parents in the world. They make you wonder what the heck you are doing so wrong for your kids to be behaving in this way.

We are in this "phase" now. 

And it sucks a big fat one.

But, its not just children who experience these waves in feelings and emotions. Adults are just the same, though we can generally manage them, or know why we are feeling that way, and we can usually identify triggers and learn methods to pull ourselves out of these ruts. 

As much as I despise these periods, I also think, they are absolutely necessary. They are necessary for growth. They are character building (for the child as much as for the parents). They allow us a chance to really connect with our kids. And no, not just in the screaming matches that generally ensue between the kids and their parents....moreso that they give us opportunities to really sit down and talk with them about how they are feeling. 

In my household, these "chats" don't always work out for the best. Often times I just get yelled at, or I often end up in tears with the nasty words spoken. But, again, it is so important, as its teaching them the importance of emotions..that words can hurt, and they have an effect and consequence.

Matt has had the last week off work (an awesome perk of the roster he is on). We haven't had any grand plans to go away camping anywhere this time, but we have spent the time together, as a family, each day. I cooked up a delicious breakfast of bacon, poached eggs and avocado for us all, and as a special treat, gave the kids a cup of juice. The breakfast was met with disgust for a start, They only ate the toast on their plate, and left everything else. Awesome. Twas going to be a fabulous day!

After a shower and getting everyone ready, we thought we would take the kids down to the park. They could ride on their new little swivel cars on the walk there. Matt grabbed a soccer ball too so we could have a kick around. It was a windy day, so I asked DD1 to come so I could tie her hair back. She used to have a severe fear of the wind and would get very frustrated when the wind blew her hair. We are pretty much over this, but now, we hate having our hair tied back. She of course kicked up a big fuss about having her hair done.  We asked the girls to grab their cars and head out the door so we could go, when DD1 yelled: "No, I don't want to ride that one, I want to take my bike". Well, Ok then, if that's what you would prefer, grab your helmet and lets go. 

**overdramatic roll of the eyes**"Ughhhhhhhhhh...NO i don't want to wear my helmet"

I knew this would be the case. She hates having her hair tied back, but even moreso when there is a helmet on top. OK then, what would you prefer, wear the helmet and ride your bike, or ride your swivel car, or just walk. **groans and grunts through gritted teeth** "I'll just walk then"

OK....In my most cheerful voice...Out we go kids! Seriously, at this point I wonder why I even bother to do anything special for the kids. It almost always ends in failure!

She dragged her feet for the most part of the walk to the park, which is a mere stroll down our street away. Then when she saw how much fun her little sister was having riding her swivel car, of course, she got cross. "I want my car!!!" We explained that she had chosen to leave it at home, but she wouldn't have a bar of it, and wanted us to go back to get it. I thought this was as good a time as any to explain to her how consequences work and how if you say one thing, you can just go back and have the other. 

We walked over to a spot on the grass to play with the ball, and of course she wouldn't have a bar of it. She slumped down in a heap, arms folded, head down. It took me a good 20 minutes or so of talking through the emotions she was feeling, before I got her to come around and play on the playground. I tried getting her to play a bit of soccer with me, but that was too hard. She then suggested we run to the middle of the oval, but after about 10 paces, she gave up huffing and puffing saying that was too hard. I sat down and pretended to be exhausted myself, and started mimicking some of her behaviour, which got her to notice. "Hey mum, I just want you to come and play with me."

It turned into a lovely park visit, and it was so nice to have my happy girl back. Running around, carefree, exploring the playground. Everything was back to normal. That was, until a little later that day, we had another meltdown. Again, it was over something so tiny, but it stirred up huge emotions for her. My grumpy girl was back. 

We had recently just seen the new movie Inside Out (which, by the way, was awesome!), so I spoke with her about the different emotions she was feeling, and asked her, what was going on. "Im just feeling mad and sad". She had been yelling at me for some time, and trying to run away from me, telling me I was the worst mum and she didn't like me anymore, nor did she want to talk to me. It was really cutting me into pieces, but I knew I needed to persist. I absolutely hated seeing her like this. I was having flash-forwards (these are the opposites of flashbacks, haha do they even exist? They do now!) of her growing up into this angry teenager, who hated the world and everything in it. I become lost when she is like this and I do everything I can to get her back to being happy as when she is in one of these moods, I feel like a failure. I explained how it upset me and hurt me to see her so sad and mad. I said how much I missed my happy girl, then I asked if she knew where that girl was. "She is in my loveheart, but I just don't know how to get her back" I asked if there was anything I could do to make that happy girl come back, and she said she didn't know.

She came to me about 10 minutes after I left her alone (at her request), and apologized. Without prompting she said she was sorry and that she didn't like to see me upset and sad. We hugged and she sobbed in my arms, not just a little sob, but big tears of relief, that she had worked out those little voices in her mind and set them free. 

After processing this today, I have decided that it is absolutely ok for my girls to feel mad and sad. There is always times when we need to feel these things. And sometimes, when someone is feeling that way, there isnt much you can do or say to help them. But acknowledging that you hear them, and that you are there for them when they need you, is worth its weight in gold. I know when I am frustrated and angry, or really upset, there isn't much anyone could say to make me feel better. I need time to process those thoughts and feelings myself. So as much as I hate seeing her in these "moods" (which can be really soul destroying for me to witness), I am realizing that they are important for her to experience. I have equipped her with words to express how she is feeling and that is a great start. She knows she has a loving home, with family that adore her, and that she is safe. She sees the consequences and effects her moods have on others, and that too is an important lesson to learn in itself. 

Life is a rollercoaster, and for kids, that rollercoaster must be pretty daunting and scary sometimes. It can be a massive maze to navigate on their own. I have learnt a massive lesson today from DD1. It is amazing what we can learn from kids if we take the time to listen to them, and understand things from their perspective.  

These are some of the steps I like to take when tackling big emotions. Of course, this is age appropriate, this would work for DD1 (nearly 4), but not quite yet with DD2 (2 years old). This scenario below isn't the best, but it provides an idea of how the steps actually work.

Ask them about their behaviour
--after throwing a major tanturm about packing toys away as asked--

"What is going on, why are you behaving like this"

--I just don't want to pack away, its boring--

Get them to tell you how it is making them feel

"How does this make you feel?"
--I feel frustrated and mad--

Acknowledge their feelings

"I understand you are feeling frustrated and mad. It can be frustrating when you have to do something that you don't want to do"

Explain to them how it is making you feel
"When I see you like this, it makes me feel upset and hurt"

Ask them what they need to make them feel better and follow through with that

--tantrum continuing--
"What can we do to make you feel better?"

--I don't want to talk to you, I just want to be left alone--

Give them time

Allow them the space they need to process how they are feeling. And you take some time too. Walk away, make a cuppa, have a cry...do what you need to do!

Reconcile 

When the time is right, they will either come to you, or you may need to go to them. Talk through what has happened, if they apologise, thank them for the apology and give them a big sloppy cuddle and kiss. Explain to them that you are feeling happy that they have done that, and ask how they are now feeling too. Sometimes, they are still feeling upset, and that is ok. In this particular scenario, I would then go on to explain that the packing away still needs to occur, and that it is about helping each other and obeying instructions, etc.

So if you are like me and have noticed these waves of good and bad times with your kids, try not to be so harsh on them when they are experiencing these big emotions. They are trying to get their heads around it as much as you are. They might say and do some things that make you question if they are really even love you....but they do, they absolutely do. If they need space, give them that, if they need cuddles, give them that. Be stern and firm, but above all, be kind....and listen to what they are trying to tell teach you.

xxx

A very happy birthday for our little ray of sunshine...

On this date, 2 years ago, a little ray of sunshine was born into our lives. She was running a little behind on her date of arrival, about a week to be exact, which did drive her mum supremely crazy! 

I tried every trick in the book to bring her labour on, but she was quite warm and cosy in there....so she made me wait it out. I recall having long hot baths, rubbing Clary sage oil onto my belly, which just made the braxton hicks contractions stronger, but didn't do much for bringing on the labour. I have since learnt, there isn't much you can do....babies will come when THEY are ready...not when I am ready :)

It was a Thursday morning, the 11th of July, and I had taken DD1 to Playgroup. It was a freezing cold day, I was feeling huge and absolutely over it, as DD2 was a week past her due date. I recall the 'plug' coming out and a slight 'show', which made me excited that her appearance mustn't be too far off. I called mum to let her know, as she would have to drive up to watch DD1 if things progressed, but I wasn't holding my hopes out! I had already had a stretch and sweep a few days prior, which didn't seem to have much effect!

Late that evening, after we had put DD1 to bed, the contractions came on quite quickly. I was hoping and praying that my waters would break first again this time, so I would know for sure labour was imminent, but that didn't happen. However, I knew for certain, that this was the beginning! The contractions were very regular, and coming on quite strong. I phoned the hospital and they told me to come in for a check up (though, they thought I was just exaggerating!). My beautiful angel friend (Tracey) came up at around 9pm, to watch over DD1, whilst Matt and I ducked into the hospital. I phoned my mum to get her to come up to take over from Tracey too.

At hospital, the midwives hooked me up to the machines and started monitoring my progress. The contractions were regular and strong, however upon examination, I was only 3cm. I knew, from when I had DD1, that that didn't mean much as I seem to progress very fast! So I wanted to be admitted, but the midwives told me to go home and labour there for awhile before coming back in. I honestly didn't want to go, I tried my best to stay there, but they insisted.

When I arrived back home, at about 10:00pm, Mum was there. Matt jumped back to bed for some rest, whilst I stayed up bouncing on the fit ball in front of the gas heater. Mum sat with me and helped me time my contractions. They were very close at this stage and started becoming very unbearable. I knew it was time to go back in. So at around 11pm, Mum helped me get DD1s car seat out of our 4wd (as she would need it the next day), as we were trying to get it out though, I dropped one of the back car seats down onto mums wrist and smashed her Guess watch! Sorry, mum! It was so tricky trying to manoeuvre myself in the back of the car to get that silly seat unhooked and out in between contractions! Mum went to get Matt out of bed and told him he had to take me back to the hospital as this was it! 

It was pitch black, and not a soul was out on the road. We had the heater blasting in the car as Matt hurried off to the hospital. I was hanging onto, what Matt calls, the "Holy S*it Bars" in the car for dear life, cringing as each contraction came over me in a wave. We raced into the labour ward and they took their sweet time coming to check me over and admit me in, finally! When the midwives got around to doing the internal examination, they found I was still only 3cm! How could that be? Why wasn't this labour progressing as quickly as it had with DD1?! The midwives said it was because I was, to put it politely....'blocked up'....my bowels were full.....basically, I needed to do a poo! ha ha! And that was what was holding back the labour! There is no way I could have gone to the toilet...I had been so constipated the whole pregnancy. I knew I couldn't possibly get anything out easily...and I wanted this baby out fast! So the midwives decided to give me....

....an enema...

*duh duh daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa* 

 I was so embarrassed, and scared! I had no idea what to expect, never having one before! It was uncomfortable and disgusting, but over in a few seconds....after I lost all my dignity. After the 'procedure' was done, they told me to simply lay still and wait for it to have an effect, and that it could take up to 30 minutes.....well, within 5 minutes I ran to the loo and felt AMAZZZZZZZZING!

Now my bowels were clear, things got intense, straight away! I jumped under the shower, and cranked the heat up to as hot as it could go. It was scalding my back and bottom, but I didn't care, it drowned out the intense pain from the contractions. The midwives started to fill up the bath, but I wasn't allowed to hop in until I was 4cm. They left me to labour as they assumed I was going to be awhile. I was squatting down in the shower, holding onto the edge of the bath when my waters suddenly broke. This was it.....I screamed for Matt to get the midwives as she was coming. She surged down so fast, I barely made it onto the labour bed before she came. The midwives kind of moseyed into the room until they realised I was pushing. I was on all fours on the bed, and with one big push, she arrived. I turned around onto my back, and was shaking....I was in shock! I couldn't believe how quick it all happened. From the time of the enema to the time she was born, it was just over 30 minutes. That is a super fast time to go from 3cm to 10cm!

She was here....our precious little girl, and she was beautiful. She was well overcooked, her cheeks were flushed and her fingers and toes had started to peel, from that extra week she hung on in my womb. The midwives handed her to me then pretty much left me to it! They told me to shower and dress and then they would take me up to my room. I had a lovely long, hot shower, washed my hair, put some makeup on...I felt a million dollars! There is nothing like the rush that natural birth gives....it is a natural high! 

The midwives wheeled me up to my room at about 6am and then told Matt that he had to go home as it wasn't "visiting" hours yet.............excuse me, what!? We just had a baby, and your making him go home for a few hours? Yep....rules were rules! So, Matt went home to have a sleep in and some breakfast, while I stayed in the hospital, in a shared room, by myself. Never mind that the people next to me had visitors next to them...chatting away loudly, whilst I was trying to get some rest and bond with my baby! I was pretty furious, but never mind! I enjoyed getting to know my precious little girl. 

I'll never forget when Matt and my mum came in to visit with DD1. It was one of the most precious memories I have. Mum had brought DD1 a little baby doll of her own a few weeks before the birth, to get her used to caring for a loving a doll. She came in with her hair tied back in piggy tails, and I had never seen her look so grown up. She looked like she had grown in the space of less than 24 hours since I had last seen her. She suddenly looked so big...she was no longer my baby, but my big girl! She kissed her brand new little sister with such care, but still held some reserve as to who this new person was in our lives!

All the family and some friends came to visit in the hospital and at home. We were blessed with gifts and meals, and felt surrounded by love.  I struggled with PND again with DD2, but I knew what to look for this time. DD2 was quite an unsettled baby (like her sister was) and we struggled to breastfeed, even moreso than I did with DD1...we lasted 6 weeks, which killed me as I wanted SO badly to have that beautiful breastfeeding bond with my baby that so many other mums master. I felt like I failed in that department, yet again. She had tongue tie, that wasn't picked up until she was a few weeks old. I was surprised no-one checked for it sooner! I went to multiple lactation consultants/paeds and doctors to try and get on top of why she was so unsettled and not feeding well or gaining much weight. They snipped her tongue tie when she was about 2 weeks old, and she was diagnosed with silent reflux at 1 month old and put on medication (which she stayed on until she was 17 months!) We then struggled to get her eczema under control, which caused a chain reaction of other health problems, which you can read more about here on my last blog post.

When she was put on the bottle, she became a different child. She was settled...and SO much happier. I remember it well as it coincided with the time we went up to Broome for my best friend, Maggie's wedding. I had just weaned her off the breast and onto the bottle, and that first day in Broome, we noticed how happy she was. She laid in the pram as we went for a walk to a cafe, content, then fell asleep....which never happened! It was the beginning of our "sunshine" child. 

Matt and I would often say how she was just so happy and content, and had such a sunny personality. It was a breath of fresh air as DD1 struggled for much longer, and was far more unsettled. DD2 still struggled to sleep well, but when you are getting rest in one form or another (and for us, it was just in her being content through the day), you can deal with almost anything!

She took a fair bit of backlash from her bigger sister over the months before she could start standing up for herself. DD1 really struggled to accept her, and for a long time, I felt guilty and sorry for the both of them. But, as DD2 grew, she started getting her own back and now, and where we are now, they are both getting along ALMOST perfectly....as they can communicate with one another and interact much better!

Happiest of Birthdays to our little flower :) We have been so blessed by you! You have been a ray of sunshine since the moment you came into our lives...and with everything you have been through, you have maintained that beautiful, happy personality! As you have grown, it has kind of developed into a slightly crazy wild-child personality! You have a wild fire in your eyes that just spells MISCHIEF! 

But, that is what we love the most about her! You are a go-getter. You don't stick to the rules. You like a challenge, and you love danger! You love climbing things, and most certainly aren't afraid of heights. You will give anything a go, even if your mum says not to! You don't like not being able to do things on your own...you prefer to master if yourself, even if it means wearing your clothes back to front and inside out and with your shoes on the wrong feet!

You are always scruffy. Your sister was always so well dressed and dainty, but I haven't been able to master that with you. Your hair is always unkempt, and you always have mess on your face, in your hair, on your clothes...I can't keep up! You are like a tornado....but I love that you are like that! I love that you are so different from your sister, chalk and cheese!

You have the most infectious laugh. You love being chased around the house with us chasing after you like a monster, only to catch you and tickle you til you can  take it no more and you tell us in between giggles to "stop!" Then you quickly say....."more". And you also pull the most ridiculous faces....the best is your "smile" - when we ask you to smile, you screw your little button nose up and clench your eyes closed....it is THE cutest!

You hate having your hair done, but love wearing hats. You also have a slight random obsession with shoes, but after putting them both on, you like to take just one off, and walk around lopsided like that. You also have a style all of your own, and you LOVE dressing yourself...you come out with some pretty awesome creations!

You have such a kind, gentle spirit, under that loud persona. If I sneeze, you instantly say "bless you, mama". If you hear someone say "Ouch", straight away you say "You, ok?" If someone is sad, or crying, you hate it - and come over to give a cuddle, and a little pat on the back with those tiny hands of yours, saying "s'ok...s'alright", as you give a little kiss on the top of their head. If your sister is asking for her water bottle, you run to find it and give it to her. Or if she is sad, you run to bring her her bunny rabbit. Your heart is good and pure, and so so kind.

I often find you doing something random...like just chilling on the floor eating your apple, or sitting on top of a table playing your iPad. 

You are OBSESSED with water....and now you can open doors I often hear the sound of the tap running in the bathroom, only to find you up on the stool, with toothpaste smeared all over your face and the bench, and water spilt everywhere. Or, in the toilet, with the toilet clogged full of paper and you trying to shove it all down with the toilet brush! If I give you a cup of water, you like just dipping your fingers in it and licking it off, as you run around the house, sloshing it around on the floor as you go! 

I still have to keep my kitchen sink cupboard locked, as if I forget, you find it, and love to explore that forbidden cupboard, and touch the forbidden things, such as the dishwasher tablets, which you seem to think are lollies.

You love being outside...If i so much as even open a door, you come running. It is because you really are just obsessed with the car. You ask me multiple times a day, to go outside just so you can go sit in the car, which I rarely let you do, as you just would spend HOURS in there, climbing around the seats, playing with all the switches and buttons, and buckling and unbuckling your seat belt.......hours...........and when I say its time to come inside, you CRACK it...big time....melt down central......I know beautiful, it is the end of your world :)  

You are SO flexible....like, its ridiculous! Your legs bend every which way, I'm jealous as that was something I had to work SO hard for! It doesn't phase you or interest you much though, but you do like to sit there and chew your toes...and your fingers for the matter. Always biting your nails, just like I used to! We are mowing through the dummies with you too as you keep biting through them!

You are frightened of the sound of cars and motorbikes going past, and because of where we live, they go past quite frequently. If they are loud, you cover your ears and run for me. If its thundering, you slowly and lay down flat on the floor, on your back, covering your ears.......

But in the next breath, you love making NOISE! The nosier the better. You have been screaming at the top of your lungs since you came into this world...you like to make yourself heard! 

You love your daddy. You are definitely a daddy's girl. And you love your sister, so so much! You really just want to be like her, and have everything she has...and it drives her crazy, but she will grow up to realise, that is pretty special, hang in there!

You are an explorer, you have never feared running away from me in a park, or going off to do your own thing in a playground, the complete opposite of your big sister.

 You are a playdough eater....it drives me crazy! 

  You are always running...you never stop! And if you do, we know you are not feeling well. You will lay on the couch with your blanket and give the longest cuddles if that is the case! And you are so, absolutely beautiful, and at peace, when you sleep. That is when you recharge your little batteries so you can have all the energy you need to race around the world again when you wake!

You LOVE scooting around the house on that little rabbit ride on. You ride that thing like you are the coolest kid on the block and you own the joint! It is so funny to watch you do it with such swagger.

You love animals....you could kill them with your kindness, quite literally! You practically squash Billie when he comes and lays on the floor in front of you. If you see a dog on the street, you want to run to it, no matter its size!

You have a will of your own, and it is strong. You will tell me if you aren't happy: "I not want that....go away.....yuck.....", but if you do something wrong, you are quick to say, "I sorry, mum". I had to quit your swimming lessons, after the first lesson, because you screamed blue murder when you got told what to do! You wouldn't have a bar of it! No, I'm not giving mum the watering can to pour on her head, that thing is mine...woman!

Your vocabulary out stands us, you are coming out with new words and sayings everyday. You still get some sounds muddled up, but it is so cute! Water is "waller". You tell me "I hungee" if you are hungry. "I narnee" when you want a banana. You are keen to try any word we say. If you don't hear what we say you will say "what said, mum?" and are always asking "what is it"? to everything you aren't quite yet sure of.

You have started saying your grace for dinner and lunch, and it is the sweetest thing to hear. You jumble the words up, but always get the "AMMMMMMMMMENNNNNN!" shouted at the top of your lungs at the end!

You LOVE music and dancing, your face lights up when you hear a song you love! Your favourite is "happy" off Despicable me. We used to play that to you to make you happy when you were sad, and it is still your favourite today. 

You are amazing, talented, beautiful, funny, kind, gentle, wild, strong......we all love you fiercely, and are so thankful that you chose us to be your family. We cannot wait to see where the future takes you, young lady....as I know you are going to chase it with such fervor and energy. You are destined for greatness.

Love you so, so much. Happy birthday our littlest minion and wildling.

xxx

Our journey to healing from eczema

   

  

  When our little girl (DD2) was born, she was absolutely perfect. She was overcooked (as you would be when you are a week overdue!), so her cheeks were almost sun burnt looking, and her skin was peeling. I remember feeding her in those early days, slowly peeling away the bits of dry skin from around her fingers and toes. 

There is so much I could go into here, but because it will be the longest post known to man-kind, I will break it down for you in dot points:

• We struggled to breast-feed (only 6 weeks), due to a tongue tie (that wasn't picked up until she was about 2 weeks old) - which we then had snipped.
• We gave each other thrush (nipple for me and mouth for her), which seemed to take forever to heal!
• She was diagnosed with silent reflux at 4 weeks old (confirmed by a barium swallow) and put on Losec.
• Scored a nasty bout of hand, foot and mouth when about 4 months old.

It doesn't sound too bad when I write it like that, but basically, we spent most of her first few weeks of life in and out of GP offices, paediatricians, lactation consultants, child health nurses, hospitals, etc. But even with the bumpy start to life that she had, you wouldn't even have known by her personality. She was such a happy, sunny little girl. Always cooing and making beautiful sounds, so alert, and such a beauty.

Then around the age of 4 months, we started to notice a tiny little red patch on her cheek. I remember just thinking it must have been a little mark from her scratching her face, or something to that effect. But when it didn't disappear, I realised it must have been something else. We started to pop some paw-paw cream on it, as it started to get very dry, very quickly, and before long, it started looking very red, angry and sore.

Back and forth to the GP we went, and I was told not to worry about it, but to put some steroid cream on the spot to help it heal. The GP wasn't sure if it was an eczema/dermatitis or a fungal infection. So we alternated using steroid creams with anti fungals, as prescribed. 

As the weeks rolled past, the spot got bigger and bigger, and started getting very dry and coarse. Then it started to ooze. The creams weren't working and I knew that something was up, so went back to the doctors to demand some answers. It wasn't until I went to get a third opinion (after visiting 2 other GPs) from a different GP, on the 3rd December, that I got told she had a staph infection, as well as oral thrush. She was given anti-biotics, as well as medicine for the thrush and her silent reflux dose was increased (as she had been vomiting).

We ended up back to the GP later that same day, with a confirmed case of gastro.

The antibiotics did a great job at clearing the staph infection. It did take a good couple of weeks, but the nastiness of the infection was definitely going. Over this period of time, we moved up North to our new home, where we were advised by the GPs that the dry weather up here is AMAZING for eczema and that we should notice her skin to calm down substantially. She was prescribed a very strong steroid cream at this point to keep the eczema under control.

We had only been in our new home for a couple of months when DD2 got yet another staph infection. At this point, I was so overwhelmed by it all that I asked for a referral from my GP to see a well known Dermatologist practising in Perth. He had great reviews and success with treating eczema, so as any other parent would do, we booked into see him. It was a fly-in-fly-out type of appointment, we were only there for the day. 

He believed that a lot of eczema cases these days come about because we use so many synthetic materials on our children, and because we over-dress them (overheat) and wash them too often.

He suggested a quick wipe over once a day with a warm washer, as bathing the kids in a bath is too much, especially if you are using bath soaps/bubble bath, etc as they irritate the skin, and strip it of the natural oils.  He also suggested taking pram liners and car seat covers out where possible, and replacing with breathable fabrics, as these are causing our kids to overheat, which leads to skin issues, such as eczema/dermatitis. And the same goes for dressing our kids - the less the better!

He prescribed an amazing ointment for DD2, (beeswax, petroleum and tar) which actually went on to work wonders for keeping her skin hydrated and supple - which inevitably helped prevent any further staph infections.

Life went on, and DD2s skin started improving, however, we did notice that every now and then it would flare up dramatically, and we were sure why. We got a referral to see an immunologist in July 2014 (down in Perth) who would do the skin prick test to see if she was allergic to anything.  This was the biggest waste of time and money for us. Mainly, because we flew all the way down there for the immunologist to ONLY test for allergies to grass, milk and cats! Nothing else. The results were negative for all three.

In the September 2014, we decided to investigate things further. I had been speaking with a good friend about it for quite some time and she mentioned how she had done an on line course through The Red Tent, where she learnt about healing the gut through diet - as so much research is now showing direct links between gut health and many ailments, eczema included. We didn't have any Chinese medicine practitioners locally, so my next best bet was to visit the local naturopath.

She was amazing! She ordered a special blood test for DD2 where we sent off a just a drop of blood from pricking her finger to a lab and a report was compiled showing her intolerance's to 96 different food types from dairy to seafood to oats to fruits etc. It was comprehensive and the results showed that she was quite intolerant to dairy and gluten, but even more so to honey!! We were given some supplements for her to take to improve her gut health, and were told to take her off dairy/gluten and honey for a few months to see how it helps.

BOY did it help! It didn't take long for her skin to heal, but also for her to become a more content baby, and one that slept better too! It was around this time that she actually started sleeping through the night! 

I continued researching ways that we could help DD2s skin heal. These are some of the things we found that worked for us: 

• We found that the only washing powder/liquid that didn't make her skin react was Earth Choice (we did try swapping to Purity at one point, and it didn't seem to affect DD2 but DD1s skin broke out in an all over body rash!) 
• We threw out all our Johnsons & Johnsons baby products (and everything else too!) and for awhile only used the Baby Organic Coconut Shampoo & Body Wash) sparingly on the girls when needed 
• We stopped bathing the girls, and only shower them now
• We started making bone broths and adding it into all our cooking (link to the recipe is here)
• We went through the pantry and fridge and threw out anything that had additives or preservatives 
• I ditched all our candles, and invested in a diffuser and essential oils (to rid our house of as many toxins and chemicals as possible)
• I swapped household cleaners with non-toxic versions (ie. distilled water with lemon oil for my 'spray and wipe') 
• We cut right back on anything with sugar in it 
• We started buying organic produce (where possible We made our own baby wipes (link to the recipe is here)

While I continued researching, I remembered (And can't believe I forgot) that we have an AMAZING friend, who is a very talented Pharmacist, but she also has her own business, Sensihealth. Instead of just spending 5 minutes in an office then handing over a script for some cream or medicine (which mind you, only ever seems to temporarily make the symptoms disappear), she likes to find the root cause of the problem by doing thorough research and tests. I contacted Lena and arranged to make an appointment for DD2 (and myself) the next time we were down in Perth (in November 2014). It was the best decision I ever made on this whole journey, and one I wish I did sooner.

Lena, took a look at DD2 and the results from our naturopath tests, and made some minor changes to her supplements and dosages (one of the biggest ones was to her fish oil dosage which was dramatic as it meant she was FINALLY able to have solid stools, instead of runny ones which she had had her whole life! She also ordered some more tests (one being a hair analysis test) which showed the levels of minerals in her body and if there were any toxins present. She was full of toxins at quite high levels....and the only reason we could determine was that I passed them onto her when I was pregnant! When I learnt this, I had to deal with a fair bit of guilt...my poor baby! But, I was so glad that I had begun this journey to finding ways to heal not just DD2s health, but all of our health! I also learnt, that because I had been on the pill for such a long period of time, prior to having my girls, my levels of copper were through the roof, which also, could have magnified the effects of DD2s ailments.

So, since seeing the naturopath back in July, our family has been Gluten and Dairy free (for the most part!). I went off it to heal my psoriasis, and DD1 to help her eczema which she scored from a bout of ongoing molluscum contagiosum (that is a WHOLE other blog post it itself!). Matt still has dairy and gluten sometimes, but the girls and I are all off it. This, along with the various supplements we have been taking to heal our gut, and improve our levels of vital minerals and detox from toxins, has helped us all dramatically. 

We no longer simply eat whatever it is we like. We have to make a conscious effort - and it is bloody hard most of the time! Especially when getting invited around to people's homes for a meal or heading out and about! It can be hard for the girls to understand why they can't eat certain foods when they see other kids eating things like ice cream, cheeseburgers, chocolate, lollies and cupcakes. So, I do spend alot of time making them their own special treats. If I know we have a birthday party to go to, I will whip up some cupcakes that they can have, to take along. Or I'll make a batch of Quirky's Dairy Free Raw Chocolate for them to have. We educate the girls about good and bad foods, and 'sometimes foods' so they know what they are eating and why they are eating it. It is so we can help their bodies heal and thrive.

There is alot of time spent behind the scenes (usually when the kids are asleep), researching the best meal plans and recipes that are free from Dairy and Gluten, but also honey and that are free from preservatives and additives and sugar. SO many recipes I have tried have been an epic fail, in that the kids refuse to eat it. But we have had just as many successes, and for now, we stick to the ones we know work and that the kids enjoy. I've also had to look at what our household environment is like, to rid it of as many toxins and chemicals as possible. This is where our essential oils have come into play alot - I use them to replace alot of our household cleaners and alot of our medicine box too. I also love them to simply diffuse into the air for their health benefits as well as their smell - not as pretty as a candle but FAR better for you!

One of the things we struggle the most with is bread, and weaning the kids away from the GF bread as they love it for toast in the morning and sandwiches at lunch! Which has been fine, until DD2s eczema just recently started flaring up again when we switched brands of GF bread! I had become slack, somewhat, in reading labels and this one had 3 preservatives in it....one of which particularly caused flare ups in allergies. Seriously....give me a break! I have scoured the aisles of our supermarkets in town and read the backs of all the GF bread options, and NONE are without the nasty preservatives. So, it seems I may be needing to ditch the bread altogether and start doing cooked meals for breakfast lunch and dinner! You know, because I have time for that ;)

DD2 hasn't had a flare up of eczema on her face since she was a baby (praise God!), but the eczema did return...all over her body. She now gets it under her armpits, on her arms, behind her knees, on her legs and on her belly and bottom. She scratches it and often says that it hurts her. I know the diet does work for her, as she would be clear for months, only to flare when she had eaten some dairy or gluten (or when she had been scoffing playdough - which isn't GF by the way!). The same is to be said of me with my psoriasis. It heals if I stop eating gluten and dairy (and keep up my supplements), but the second I have a lapse, it comes back with a vengeance, and brings a nasty bout of hay fever along with it.

It has been a really rough road for us all, but one that I am so thankful for as we are all SO much better off now being informed and looking after our health, and an even bigger bonus is that we are no where near as "sick" as we used to be. We used to get all the nasty bugs and viruses that were going around, but since looking after our gut health, we have noticed this change dramatically!

I am a firm believer in that good things come out of bad situations. Our situation with DD2 was really upsetting and soul destroying. It is awful seeing your baby in pain, and especially so when everything you are trying to do to fix it, wont work. I have had people say to me "Why are you even bothering with all this, eczema is meant to clear by the age of about 5, anyway - just let it it!" Well, if I were to just let it be, she would most likely end up with another staph infection, which would mean she would need more antibiotics, which would kill the good bacteria in the gut we have worked SO hard to repair, and we would be back at square one! So for us, there is no choice....we aren't being crazy hippies! We are doing what we feel is best for our kids...and for our lives!

We are still a work in progress, and I hope to be able to share my successes and fails with you all on here, in the hope it may help someone else going through something similar. If you, or any one you know struggles with eczema or psoriasis, please don't give up! You don't have to suffer...it can be managed and treated....it takes alot of hard work and commitment (and money!) but the results far outweigh all of that! 

Below, I have come up with my 6 tips for where to start if you are on a journey to healing from eczema (or psoriasis, or hey, any ailment really, depression/anxiety - it all begins with YOU making the effort to change your life for the better!) 

1. Do your research

Ask around on local forums/friends/family for recommendations of amazing practitioners in your area that are committed to finding the root cause of any ailment. Naturopaths are a fantastic place to start (or if you are lucky enough to reside in Perth, just contact Lena and save yourself the time!)

2. Don't be afraid of the outlay

All good things are expensive :) It is easy to take the 'cheap' road for so many things, especially when it comes to food and household products etc. The same is to be said for moving over to a healthier lifestyle. There will need to be money spent on tests, to look further into the root cause of any ailments or symptoms you are having - and these tests are usually expensive (and aren't covered by medicare). However, had we not have had any testing done for DD2, we would have still been giving her gluten/dairy and particularly honey to this date, and her little body would have been still struggling to process it all.

3. Keep it simple

Meal planning doesn't have to be a nightmare. Its about getting back to basics. Unprocessed food. Meat, vegetables, fruit. Basically, anything that grows or is living. If it is found on a supermarket shelf, chances are, its not so fantastic! There are SO many fantastic web pages and blogs out now that are all about whole food. I love getting recipes and inspiration from Wholefood Simply (for our sweet treats and snacks) and Alexx Stuart. Quirky Cooking has some fantastic recipes, also.

4. Get some support

Get on line and start a support group if you need to - a place where you can network and share recipes and frustrations. There are many others who have blazed the path before you - and there is so much you could learn from them that will save you time and effort too! 

5. Take baby steps

Have a look around your house and at your lifestyle and see what you can change. One step at a time. Start with things that are simple: washing powder/shampoo/body wash/baby wipes. You don't need to go gun-hoe and change everything in your household in one big hit - and I wouldn't recommend it either. Stick to focussing on one thing at a time, and finding the best option that works for you.  I started by making my own baby wipes, then we changed our wash powder, then I ditched all our candles (and swapped for essential oils), and then I moved onto ditching preservatives from the pantry and fridge. We still have a long way to go to make our house as toxin free as possible, to support our health and environment. But with baby steps, it is much less overwhelming! The Wellness Mama is an AMAZING page to follow - she has some fantastic ideas and recipes to get you inspired and started!

6. Just keep swimming

It is a long, tiring, sometimes lonely road! You will get judged, you will get people thinking you are some crazy-ass tree-hugging hippy (or witch doctor - I've had that with my use of essential oils....Rochelle! haha)...you will have awesome successes and some major fails too....you will have setbacks, but it is important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and just keep swimming....your body will thank you for it and you will be glad you stuck with it!

I hope this post has been somewhat beneficial - I apologise if it is all over the place. There is just so many different parts to our journey, it has been difficult to get them all to gel together in the one post! If you would like to know anything further, please don't hesitate to send me a PM or leave a comment below and I will do my best to answer!

xxx