So will I comfort you

 Sometimes, my steam tank just runs dry. I get overwhelmed. The kids are being a handful, I struggle to find the words to parent them, explain to them, my head becomes a cloud of confusion and all the stresses of my day to day life just washes over me and drowns me.

I know this well. I have been here before time and time again. That point where I am at the end of my strength, it is God's way of willing me back to him. I am so blessed to be able to hear his audible voice. He speaks to me, encourages me, holds my hand, and most important of all, he waits for me. He is patient, ever loving, ever forgiving. 

Life always gets in the way. It is fast paced. It moves with such a motion that it sweeps me off my feet and away in its current. The dance of our day to day lives becomes such a routine that it is predictable. There is comfort in that predicatability, but there is also a sense of loss. A sense that I am missing out on so much more. In the rush of things, I forget to make time to sit in His presence. And when I do that, I forget that I have someone who has the answers to make troubles seem bearable. To make parenting bearable. To make life bearable. He has the solutions. But I forget, and I try to do it all on my own.

I spend hours running things over and over in my mind, trying to make sense of things, trying to find solutions. I worry over my girls' health. I worry about if I am doing the right thing by restricting their diet to help their skin, when some days, it all seems in vain. I fear that I am doing damage by not parenting 'right': not saying the right things, not explaining things well enough to the girls. They fight and argue and bicker and don't share, and I get lost in it all, trying to figure out how to teach them on my own.And these are only part of my worries and concerns. There are many, many more.

They consume me. 

I find I spend all my time comforting the girls, helping others, but who is there to comfort me? Then I remember. That strong steady voice, calls my name, and I remember.

Today, hasn't been too bad. I've previously mentioned we are in a "rough" phase at the moment with the girls...there are massive mood swings, a lot of tears, many tantrums. They are not getting along so well at this point in time. It had been an intense morning at the shops with the girls, and I came home rattled and shaken with their behaviour. I popped DD2 down for a nap, and went to hang the washing out, knowing that when that was done, I would make a hot cup of tea and sit down for some peace.  

As I was hanging the clothes out, the wind rustled my hair and a peace came over me. He willed me to get on my knees, and speak to him. So I did. I asked for forgiveness for trying to do it all on my own, for ignoring him and not listening to what he has to say. Not trusting in him. I asked for his guidance and for him to help me find the words to say, when I feel I have none when it comes to teaching these beautiful girls of mine. I asked him for peace when I feel I have none, and a sense of calm when there is chaos. 

I made that hot cup of Rooibos and sat down at the table with my bible and a notepad. I was ashamed that I had to even find my bible, which had been sitting in my drawer, for far too long, untouched. I opened to the end of the chapter of Isaiah, and instantly found comfort in his words. The one tiny verse that spoke to my heart directly was this: 

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.." Isaiah 66:13

We spend so much of our time comforting our children, they become our focus, because they are "our everything". We love them with such passion and fervor and only want to do the best by them and for them. Sometimes, when we are focusing so hard on that, everything else in the bigger picture can become blurred....and we lose sight of what is most essential and important. We stop nurturing ourselves, we stop nurturing our relationships with our partners, and we stopped feeding our relationship with God. 

Don't feel shame at not being able to handle everything on your own. We are only human, we are not perfect. There is someone who wants to lighten your burden, beautiful mama. Someone who wants to pick you up and comfort you. Someone who wants to carry you when you feel you can go on no longer. Someone who loves you so, so much, he died just....for...you. All you need to do, is ask. Seek Him, and you will find Him.

xxx